Restore Flat-Earthistan

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

All of the problems that the world faces today can be traced to the abandonment of the material Creator of the flat and immobile Earth. What is needed is a return to traditional flat-Earth values such as slavery, wife beating, and bludgeoning homosexuals.

Liberals have no faith in the great Lord of Flat-Earthistan. They must be taught a lesson that will bend them at the knee and bow their collective head in servility to the Almighty. I present to you the movement with the message:

What did you learn in Sunday school as a child? What will you do to restore the junk car of Flat-Earthistan?

Comments

[meus-ovatio.livejournal.com]

What did you learn in Sunday school as a child?
I learned some songs and some stories about old dudes.

Did you learn....

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

... the story of how Moses drowned all of those Egyptian soldiers and chariots? That one is full of fine family values like mass slaughter and the use of deadly force in self-defense.

[devil-ad-vocate.livejournal.com]

They taught me a song about a bear named Gladly; I think it was "Gladly, the cross-eyed bear".

[a-new-machine.livejournal.com]

Never went to Sunday school.

Poor dear!

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

I hope you at least had the opportunity to watch cartoons on Saturday morning.

[kylinrouge.livejournal.com]

My family was areligious. It's not that they rejected it, they just came from Soviet Russia where there was pretty much no religion. I mean there were some Jews and Orthodox Christians, but many people just considered the religions along the same train of thought as the tooth fairy and santa claus.

I grew up thinking it was a fairy tale like the others, and I was always pretty tolerant of religious people, I just thought it was a cultural thing to believe, and I still think it is.

[chasingtides.livejournal.com]

Seriously?

As seriously...

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

... as a heart attack.

[meus-ovatio.livejournal.com]

Those damn liberals attempting to strip us of our founding right to mine coal!

I noticed that.

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

Coal mining is soooo essential to the American way of life. I remember mining coal as a little girl. It was a great way to spend the Fourth of July.

[eracerhead.livejournal.com]

Restore America, KY.

[soliloquy76.livejournal.com]

What did you learn in Sunday school as a child?

I learned the meaning of boredom.

What will you do to restore the junk car of Flat-Earthistan?

Vote for Michele Bachmann.

Michele is awesome...

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

... I look forward to her rounding up the liberals and putting them in concentration camps.

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

You forgot genocide for purposes of securing one's manifest destiny, killing all infidels save virgin women of childbearing age, polygamy, monarchy, a religious law code, and the failures of democracy that would trust sinful man to rule over the priests of the Divine Bomb and the Fellowship of the Holy Fallout-er Sacred Temple in the City of Peace.

It is not that I forgot.

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

I simply did not want to go over the top with a full iteration of traditional family values.

Your comment reminded me of the way that Oppenheimer was blamed for Soviet advances in atomic weaponry. Those ignorant godless commies could not possibly have come up with ideas on their own.

[paedraggaidin.livejournal.com]

I'm Catholic and went to a Catholic school for five years. Every day was Sunday School. Sunday was Mass and then Coffee and Doughnuts. :P

One of our...

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

... Franciscan soup kitchens serves donuts every morning. I can see doing a fat pill once a week, but every morning is not healthy.

Sunday school must be a Protestant institution that gets the squirmy youngsters out of the pews.

[eracerhead.livejournal.com]

I know what I didn't learn. I didn't learn about the prophet Elisha who upon being mocked by a bunch of kids for his baldness, conjured up a pair of she-bears to maul all 42 of them. [2 Kings 2:23-25]

Hear that kids? Respect your elders, or else!

That reminds me...

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

One of the ancient philosophers said that it was easy to drive someone insane. Simply get the kids in the neighborhood to taunt him with being a lunatic and he would react with violent anger showing that the kids were right. This is a biblical example of his proposition.

BTW, is it not considered an act of witchcraft to conjure she bears?

The only real reason to fear religion...

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

...is enabling a government with enough power and authority to impose religion on others by force. We cannot disabuse people of their religious beliefs, but we can refrain from building a government which has the kind of power that is freely available for abuse by anyone with a passion to control others.

Re: The only real reason to fear religion...

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

This is one of the complaints of those who seek to restore school prayer. They claim that barring prayer in public schools constitutes an enforcement of a secular religion.

[malakh-abaddon.livejournal.com]

What did I learn in Sunday school? Be warned it was an evangelical church so it might offended, but I will tone it down as best as I can.

1. Women who wear pants are w---es.
2. Never question the bible, for it is the exact word of god.
3. Darwin was evil, and was under the employ of Lucifer.
4. Any non-Christian is evil, and was sent to steal your immortal soul.
5. God blessed America, and no one else. Basically a rip from a Chris Rock movie, but that was the gist of it.

That is all I care to discuss from that 5 years of my life. Took me 10 years to unlearn all that stuff.

You unlearned well.

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

It is okay to use the word wench in this forum.

I know a church...

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

... that likes to serve pizza pies.

[gunslnger.livejournal.com]

I don't see how this is political, and it's not Friday...

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

It's political because Presidential candidates are running on the idea that God damns America for feminism, gays, and particularly for treating non-Christian citizens of the USA as though they have rights to exist in this country.

[kardashev.livejournal.com]

What is needed is a return to traditional flat-Earth values such as slavery, wife beating, and bludgeoning homosexuals.

YOU FORGOT THE WITCH BURNINGS!!! WHERE WOULD WESTERN CIVILIZATION BE WITHOUT THE WITCH BURNINGS???

Seriously, we'd have lost a great comedy sketch from Monty Python:



What did you learn in Sunday school as a child?

As a teen, I learned that Catholic girls tend to be easy lays.

What will you do to restore the junk car of Flat-Earthistan?

Well...

BURN THE WITCHES!!!

[peristaltor.livejournal.com]

Catholic girls. . . . (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afIVLB4Ss2g)

[il-mio-gufo.livejournal.com]

What with all this mocking of the Christian communities, how is it that anyone here wonders why the dialogue in this forum is so regularly lacking of some Republican-type input?

[kylinrouge.livejournal.com]

You say that like it's a bad thing.

[allhatnocattle.livejournal.com]

That looks like...

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

... the cover of "The Soviet Sojourn into Afghanistan," by Aunty Khammi.