talkpolitics | Show-Me State asks badass Israel for help

JEFFERSON CITY. Missouri guvnah Jay has sent a formal request to the badass state of Israel to help the lame state of Missouri to deal with the ongoing proto-civil-war that's spreading across the Pit-of-Hell, aka Ferguson. In a surprising move, Jay (whose surname bears an uncanny similarity to that of a former POTUS whose name is not to be named under any circumstances, lest his evil demon be summoned from the Netherworld where it belongs), has said that he's effectively bypassing Barack "Pontius Pilate" Obama who's never doing anything meaningful anyway, and is directly contacting the most badass experts in crowd control, namely the badass state of Israel.

"If we have to resort to asking Jews for help, then we're gonna do it", guvnah Jay was heard saying. "They've got decades of experience dealing with stone-throwing barbarians and burqa-wearing yelling fanatics. They use the same gear as our cops do, but unlike our cops, they actually know how to use it. So that can't end badly, can it?"

The news that a prosperous US state has asked for international aid at a troubled time has caused a number of Libertarians and Tea-partiers to jizz in their pants, because this is yet another proof that the lame federal guvmint can't even protect its own people and needs someone else to do its job. Nevermind the international intervention that Israel sending experts to train the Missouri cops actually constitutes. We can discuss that at some later point. Probably. Maybe. Or we could ask Alex Jones for details.

That said, guvnah Jay has emphasized that the measure of introducing Israeli spec-op forces and security units would only be, in his words, "temporary", because those Jews would soon be called back home to deal with the pesky Gaza vermin, and will soon be involved in another ~~mini-genocide~~ peacekeeping effort, anyway. So the citizens of the Show-Me State have nothing to worry about, their freedoms won't be stomped upon ~~too much~~ for too long.

Badass Israeli prime-minister Bibi Netan-yahoo has reacted positively to the news, saying he "welcomes" Jay's request, and the citizens of Missouri can expect the Israeli special forces, hi-tech drones, missile strikes and anti-Molotov defense systems to show up at Ferguson's doorstep anytime now, accompanied by those awesome diggers of course, whose main task will be to seek for secret tunnels around the area. He has also hinted that he'll be expecting Missouri's support for Israel's tough stance against those ayatollahs with the funny black towels on their heads in return for his support at this tough moment. Good, civilized people should stick to each other whenever those unwashed brownies cause trouble, after all. Right?

Meanwhile in Ferguson, the locals haven't been procrastinating in response to the news, now many contacting their Palestinian brethren with requests for exchange of know-how on the tactics and methods of combatting Israelis, if it should really come to that. Some have even called for declaring Gaza a sister city to Ferguson, in a symbolic gesture of solidarity in their common struggle against the Missouri-Israeli aggressor. In any case, this is gunna be interesting.