The decades Bible Lesson: Hosea 8 We are all Jews.

[rick-day.livejournal.com]

While researching the classic 'reap the whirlwind' axiom (the bible does have a way of providing handy euphemisms when needed to argue with a right winger). Of course, bored, I wend ahead and read the entire chapter. Of course, there was one line with one word I was not familiar with, so with a Wiki I found myself visiting the House of Ephraim.

King James' 'Special Tweaked' Bible:

7 For they sow the wind  And they reap the whirlwind.  The standing grain has no heads;  It yields no grain.  Should it yield, strangers would swallow it up. 
8 Israel is swallowed up;  They are now among the nations  Like a vessel in which no one delights. 
9 For they have gone up to Assyria,  Like a wild donkey all alone;  Ephraim has hired lovers. 

So I was like..Who the fuck is this Ephraim dude and why is G man so pissed at him that He mentions them/him by name? Indeed the entire chapter is a rucking rant against this Ephraim!

So it turns out, according to, I guess history and shit, that Ephraim is a Tribe, or, I guess, ethnic city where everyone was inbred from a single descendant. Turns out there are 13, no 12 because they play numbers games with one Tribe, but anyways...13 Tribes all make up the Kingdom of Israel. Evidently, they are all inbred, except for women they capture and rape so they don't all grow 3rd eyes idk.

So of courrrrrrrrse I wiki this Ephraim, because wiki is a better source for facts and diverse opinions than the Bible, yo!

And I read...blah blah....And I get the thing about the tribes and how they split in two and Ephraim was blamed for breaking His prescious craftsgodship of the Kingdom of Israel and God got all pissy (read the entire chapter for a Classic God self centered pissy-hissy fit, and some serious questions about his ability to foresee and form the future, yo!).

*read*read* um then..WikiBible says that some think everyone 'white', like, you know all the descendants of Europe and therefore, the US (except for them brownskins we took the land from, but we were justified according to God). I ain't quoting this because half of you have stopped reading this by now. Wiki it and see why some think we are all descended from this Tribe. Mazeltov, cousin!

Question: Do you feel Jewish? Can one be both a Christian and a Jew?

Bonus Question: why do people still worship such an emo-bitch like being?

Disclaimer to my s-f groupies: I know Jews as friends and business associates and they gave me permission to use the word "Jew"

I Cite Sources:
read His Holy hissy fit, or not:
http://bibleencyclopedia.com/pictures/Hosea_8_Hosea.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tribe_of_Ephraim

Mazeltoes, y'all

Comments

[meus-ovatio.livejournal.com]

I think Ephraim is really just a veiled reference to Israel, versus the southern Kingdom of Judah, and the Northern Kingdom of Israel was very much disliked by the prophets, what with their fake Samarian religion.

[meus-ovatio.livejournal.com]

Question: Do you feel Jewish? Can one be both a Christian and a Jew?
It gets terribly awkward when your Jewish girlfriend is being missionized by Mormons, and the Anglo-Saxon Mormons are all like, "What tribe are you from? We're from the tribe of Dan!"

It really sort of highlights the stupid fetishing of Judaism that non-Jews have, and that even though Jews are obviously wrong, we all still very much want to have their authenticity as the Mother religion.

[rick-day.livejournal.com]

I think it has to do with adding validity to The Book. Without the Joos, what is the Bible?

[rick-day.livejournal.com]

All the OT does for Christers is back story the history, prophesy and lineage of their Savior. It also proves you better not fuck with the G-man. (fear o god) as well as a spiffy time line from when why we should bow to this Creator god and not That wine god, etcc..

[rick-day.livejournal.com]

I thought the division from North and South was economic; that the North was more wealthy?

What about the part where Ephraim is described as a distinct Tribe?

Ephraim

[russj.livejournal.com]

You are correct, in the old testament, when Solomon's kindgom was divided after his death, the Northern kingdom is usually called Israel, but sometimes is called Ephraim, after the chief Northern tribe.

The Southern kingdom, which lasted a few hundred years longer is always called Judah, because all of the Southern the kings were from that tribe.

[kylinrouge.livejournal.com]

The Torah is pretty ridiculous. The New Testament looks reasonable by comparison. See Deuteronomy for a good example. I wouldn't be surprised if brutal Arab cultures with backwards traditions just followed everything out of that book.

Jews are like people who only like the Star Wars prequels; it makes no sense to anyone else and they get persecuted for it. Christians like both the prequels and the OT, and Muslims like all that plus the extended universe.

[rick-day.livejournal.com]

Did you just connect the Jesus to George Lucas?

From a fandom POV:

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

Not quite. The TVtropes versions would be as follows.

Judaism is the http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/UnbuiltTrope given it is very different from Islam or Christianity as an ethnoreligion. The two major http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Hatedom organizations have given it a lot of http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DeadUnicornTrope mythology of a very unpleasant sort.

Christianity is the http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AdaptationDisplacement that does this via http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AdaptationDecay. It is both the http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/SugarWiki/MostTriumphantExample and the http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SeinfeldIsUnfunny version.

Islam is http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AdaptationDistillation by combining Christianity's imperial nature with Judaism's rationalism, woo-woo, and the http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/UrExample of the concepts that made Protestantism famous. Islam, however suffers from both http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DeadUnicornTrope and now is the USA's http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GenericDoomsdayVillain because of the http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheGreatPoliticsMessUp.

[malasadas.livejournal.com]

I really ought to hit you for that.

[policraticus.livejournal.com]

It is times like this that my Protestant soul yearns for the Magisterium.

[essentialsaltes.livejournal.com]

No no no. Everyone knows the British (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Israelism) and the Scandinavians (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nordic_Israelism) are from different Jewish tribes entirely. As are the Jews of Ecuador, Japan, ... (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Lost_Tribes_of_Israel)

The tribe of Ephraim is in India (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bene_Ephraim)

[rick-day.livejournal.com]

Dammit! I wanted to be part of the group that bought lovers!

[paedraggaidin.livejournal.com]

Woah, Scandinavian Israelism.

It's so non-sequitur it hurts.

[foolsguinea.livejournal.com]

Hey, look, you've discovered British Israelism!

[geezer-also.livejournal.com]

You couldn't get thru to TPN or what?

[ddstory.livejournal.com]

[kardashev.livejournal.com]

Question: Do you feel Jewish? Can one be both a Christian and a Jew?


idc, honestly.

Bonus Question: why do people still worship such an emo-bitch like being?

Because the reality is way to horrible. Consider this: Think of the person you love and respect most in all the world. Now imagine this person dead after a lifetime of genuine love and kindness they've given to you. Now consider that this truly wonderful human being is instead of going on to a great afterlife is getting the same thing as Stalin, Ted Bundy, and another villain of the modern era-Bob Sagett. Your loved one is getting oblivion. Nothing better than a common sociopath will get. There is no final justice to the universe. Just the often subjective and flawed justice of a race of beings the Milgram Experiment firmly indicted. This is why people will latch on to anything which denies the awful truth.

Of course, this doesn't prove God real. I'm an atheist myself. But some of the other atheists who actually feel comfortable with the awful truth scare me as much as crazy religious folk.

Disclaimer to my s-f groupies: I know Jews as friends and business associates and they gave me permission to use the word "Jew"

You're wasting your time. According to the social justice movement, context doesn't matter or even if it does the speaker doesn't decide the context of what he says...the listener does that and people have a logical reason to be offended anytime they want. They also believe that words cannot become cliched. I've even seen them refuse to acknowledge a dictionary definition of certain words in favor of an "academic" definition. That's not just sf_d. That's LJ in general. lol a bunch of fruit loops on a writing site who don't know how language works. Fucking priceless. So yeah, you're wasting your time. When mindless fanatics want to pillory you, facts don't matter.

[rick-day.livejournal.com]

I..think I'm in love with you

0-o

[lai-choi-san.livejournal.com]

Do you feel Jewish ?

Yes (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a6/Locmariaquer_Table_des_Marchand_%28interieur%29.jpg).

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

Er, Ephraim is a Biblical synecdoche for the Northern Kingdom. The Bible itself is pretty transparently written from the viewpoint of the priestly class of the *Southern* Kingdom, Yehudah, hence the gratituitous bitch-slaps in the Torah against the ancestors of the Northern Kingdom.

That being said, Christians using Jewish books to denigrate Jews is hardly a new phenomenon.

[malasadas.livejournal.com]

It being the day after Yom Kippur, I suppose I am technically in the clear to respond like an ass here, but in all honesty, I am too confused by whatever the he'll you think you are saying to offer more than a hearty "whaaa--??"

Oh, and Judaism and Christianity? Totally different. Start with Talmud and then add roughly 2000 years of divergent intellectual evolution and then never, ever entertain that idea again.

[rick-day.livejournal.com]

Did we have a rough night?

Ephraim has hired lovers

[russj.livejournal.com]

The prophetic denouncement of 'hired lovers' is usually a metaphor for the people worshiping a different god, instead of being faithful to their own God.

"And they transgressed against the God of their fathers, and went a whoring after the gods of the people of the land, whom God destroyed before them."
(Old Testament | 1 Chronicles 5:25)

Even Jesus used the same metaphor, calling himself the bridegroom.

"And Jesus said unto them, Can the children of the bridechamber mourn, as long as the bridegroom is with them? but the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken from them, and then shall they fast."
(New Testament | Matthew 9:15)

Re: Ephraim has hired lovers

[il-mio-gufo.livejournal.com]

good.

&, don't you think there are so many here whom might prefer to create a separate community solely for the purpose of theologian like discussion? i think there would be much participation...and many here seem to be well read....perhaps at times lacking in translation/context, but familiar with the text nonetheless.