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talkpolitics(Note: Entry inspired by this post.)
Friends and neighbors,
I, Jesus H. Kardashev, Jr. am running for the post of authoritarian dictator. Because I've come to the conclusion that only strong, decisive and forceful leadership can preserve liberty, the common good and our security. Let me explain the great threats we face.
It has come to my attention that our glorious society is faced with a nigh unspeakable evil. An evil even greater than islamo-fascism, more soul-crushing than the music of Arcade Fire, and more insidious than Andy Dick. I am talking about the threat of that extraterrestrial menace...Space Midgets. For far too long have these alien provocateurs infiltrated our society, wrecked our economy and promoted cultural decay. Not to mention that the degenerate practice of Space Midgetry has been condemned in many chapters of the Bible. And worst of all, my friends and fellow patriots *bangs a fist on the podium* they're different from us!
It's time for real Hope and Change, my fellow patriots! If elected to the post of dictator, I will not only root out the Space Midgets and grind them under my steel-toed jackboot. I will also root out their sympathizers and send them to psychological evaluation camps where their warped snakepit minds will be retooled. As an added bonus, this will also help to fight the obesity epidemic. Those who go to the camps will not only have their psyches cleansed but they'll be among the thinnest people you've ever seen. Hard labor is good for the body as well as the mind. As for those who can't be remade into people fit for decent society...well, from them we'll get nice little lampshades and cheap bars of soap. The sale of which will fund socialized medicine.
But in order to preserve freedom and security, I'll not only need your vote. I'll also need you to give up a few minor privileges. Such as a free press, saying what you want and thinking for yourself. But it's a small price to pay. Not only for your own good but also for the good of your children. Won't somebody think of the children?
We'll also need to make war. Bloody war. And lots of it. Not only is war good for the economy but it will allow us to root out the Space Midgets in other countries and bring said countries under our sane and benevolent rule. Our first target will be a truly vile and debased nation that has been thoroughly corrupted by Space Midgets. A nation of drunks, drug addicts and perverts. We will first need to attack...Canada. It's for their own good and the good of their children. Won't somebody think of the children?
Remember, A vote for Kardashev is a vote for LIBERTY!
A vote for Kardashev is a vote for SECURITY!
My friends, a vote for Kardashev is a vote FOR THE CHILDREN!
Seriously...won't somebody think of the children?
*Paid for by Citizens To Elect Kardashev To The Post of Dictator
Friends and neighbors,
I, Jesus H. Kardashev, Jr. am running for the post of authoritarian dictator. Because I've come to the conclusion that only strong, decisive and forceful leadership can preserve liberty, the common good and our security. Let me explain the great threats we face.
It has come to my attention that our glorious society is faced with a nigh unspeakable evil. An evil even greater than islamo-fascism, more soul-crushing than the music of Arcade Fire, and more insidious than Andy Dick. I am talking about the threat of that extraterrestrial menace...Space Midgets. For far too long have these alien provocateurs infiltrated our society, wrecked our economy and promoted cultural decay. Not to mention that the degenerate practice of Space Midgetry has been condemned in many chapters of the Bible. And worst of all, my friends and fellow patriots *bangs a fist on the podium* they're different from us!
It's time for real Hope and Change, my fellow patriots! If elected to the post of dictator, I will not only root out the Space Midgets and grind them under my steel-toed jackboot. I will also root out their sympathizers and send them to psychological evaluation camps where their warped snakepit minds will be retooled. As an added bonus, this will also help to fight the obesity epidemic. Those who go to the camps will not only have their psyches cleansed but they'll be among the thinnest people you've ever seen. Hard labor is good for the body as well as the mind. As for those who can't be remade into people fit for decent society...well, from them we'll get nice little lampshades and cheap bars of soap. The sale of which will fund socialized medicine.
But in order to preserve freedom and security, I'll not only need your vote. I'll also need you to give up a few minor privileges. Such as a free press, saying what you want and thinking for yourself. But it's a small price to pay. Not only for your own good but also for the good of your children. Won't somebody think of the children?
We'll also need to make war. Bloody war. And lots of it. Not only is war good for the economy but it will allow us to root out the Space Midgets in other countries and bring said countries under our sane and benevolent rule. Our first target will be a truly vile and debased nation that has been thoroughly corrupted by Space Midgets. A nation of drunks, drug addicts and perverts. We will first need to attack...Canada. It's for their own good and the good of their children. Won't somebody think of the children?
Remember, A vote for Kardashev is a vote for LIBERTY!
A vote for Kardashev is a vote for SECURITY!
My friends, a vote for Kardashev is a vote FOR THE CHILDREN!
Seriously...won't somebody think of the children?
*Paid for by Citizens To Elect Kardashev To The Post of Dictator
(no subject)
Date: 17/2/12 19:18 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 17/2/12 19:24 (UTC)Serj doesn't shy away from it, does he?
(no subject)
Date: 17/2/12 19:37 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18/2/12 01:59 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 17/2/12 19:55 (UTC)