Where is the outrage?!

[paedraggaidin.livejournal.com]

Tonight, as most of you know, is Halloween, and never was a holiday more inimical to American family values.

We dress our kids up in costumes, hiding their faces behind masks and makeup, teaching them to be secretive and duplicitous. These costumes are all too often of a demonic nature, and the holiday itself is traced back to autumnal pagan rites; Later the Romish Church adopted these pagan rites nearly wholesale and perpetuated them as a day during which to communicate with dead souls. We have the demonically-attired kids go around to strangers' homes and beg for candy, candy they have no right to. They didn't work for that candy. They just go around dressed as freaks, put out their hands, and expect hard-working adults to fork over the free goodies.

Where the hell is the sympathy for the parents and childfree adults of the world? Seriously, where, where? Why do we, as a country, permit this to happen, permit thinly-veiled secular socialism to take hold of our children so early in life? And we wonder why the unwashed losers of the "Occupy" movement resent the success and eminence of the so-called "1%" and demand that these hardworking, virtuous citizens not only stop being so successful, but dole out their well-earned riches to people who can't even be bothered to hold down a real job and yet expect to get "unemployment" payments every week? And we wonder why these people expect the government to solve everything and be everything, from mommy to doctor to consumer advocate, taking care of our every need from birth till death?

It all starts with candy.

When did we stop teaching our children the values of hard-work and self-sufficiency? When did we, a Christian nation of good moral values, start letting our children gleefully participate in antiquated heathen rites on a day which should instead serve to honor the founding of the glorious Reformation? Will we let papists and pagans continue to corrupt our impressionable youth, not only endangering their futures as good citizens of democracy but the salvation of their very souls?

Where is the outrage, GOP? Where are the protests, Tea Party? Where are the rallies demanding an end to what is perhaps the most perniciously socialist intrusion into our great and exceptional nation? You prattle on about Obama and healthcare reform but where are your mighy words, your towering tirades against the real evil? When did the land of the free become the land of the free candy?

Comments

[nano-muse.livejournal.com]

I'll be honest, I'm not quite sure whether or not this is satire...

[dv8nation.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling.

[paedraggaidin.livejournal.com]

Alright, alright...added the "satire" tag just so people ain't confused. Didn't y'all see the big post from earlier?

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

The term is Poe's Law. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe%27s_law)

[paedraggaidin.livejournal.com]

Alright, but seriously now...y'all know I'm Catholic, right? When a Catholic starts slinging around terms like "papist" and "Romish" and he's not actually refuting anti-Catholicism at the time, it's a pretty big clue that he's not being serious. I realize not everyone here is Catholic or gets Catholic humor, but come on. Also I thought I was fairly well known as a left-leaning moderate type who openly thinks fundie Christians are batshit insane.

I guess I was wrong?

Context is everything.

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

Not everybody knows you're Catholic. I know what you're talking about, with the pejorative terms, because I was raised Catholic myself. The problem is context. Given the language it does look like hyperbole and satire, on its face, but still you can't be absolutely certain because it is possible to find cases where someone would say something completely outrageous and mean every word of it. That's Poe's Law.

Of course, the icon gives it away, too...

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

The Harold Camping icon implies facetiousness too, at least in the context of the people in this forum, I would think. On the other hand, an awful lot of somebodies, somewhere, have to be tuning into the message or nobody would even know who Harold Camping is.

[notmrgarrison.livejournal.com]

Socialism would be the government having a Halloween tax to buy the candy, and only union members would be allowed to distribute it.

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

No, socialism would be the workers having the candy and voting on who to distribute it. Communism would be the government taking the candy, shooting the people who object or sending them to slave labor camps, then reporting a surplus of candy when there's a deficit caused by the requisitions. Then shooting the recquisitoners on grounds of being dizzy with success.

[notmrgarrison.livejournal.com]

Oh, the workers just magically have the candy.

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

Labor produces, capital uses.

[notmrgarrison.livejournal.com]

The workers bought the ingredients on their own dime and fashioned them into candy for free?

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

Labor produces, capital uses. Labor turns ingredients into candy and gets ground up by the machine, capital can get fired with golden parachutes and this be all fucking wonderful and the rightful order of things. Labor wants to have some guarantee of retirement, that's utter evil. Capital will sink corporations and be fired with golden parachutes richer than the most successful people in labor.

[notmrgarrison.livejournal.com]

That didn't at all answer the question, but you knew that.

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

It's a satire thread, you expected a serious discussion?

[notmrgarrison.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I do things like that.

You've grown a mustache, haven't you?

[fizzyland.livejournal.com]

But I have to admit it's hard not to view children as greedy freeloading dwarves.

Re: You've grown a mustache, haven't you?

[paedraggaidin.livejournal.com]

More like this, really.

Re: You've grown a mustache, haven't you?

[fizzyland.livejournal.com]

i bow before your mighty stache. Plus, Halloween III is on, required viewing for the Childfree.

Re: You've grown a mustache, haven't you?

[paedraggaidin.livejournal.com]

My stache alone single-handedly shot down nineteen French planes and one zeppelin whose pilot unwisely gave me the finger.

Scary movies scare me. :(

[malasadas.livejournal.com]

Jesus fuck, stop trying to give people ideas.

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

When did the land of the free become the land of the free candy!

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

It would be wrong to have child slaves but wronger to compel anyone to stop it.

Look!

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

The boy still has all of his toes. He must be new at on the job.

Re: Look!

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

Did you hear that the liburals want to force him to wear shoes, some want to eliminate his job entirely. Mother Jones is a terrorist!

Re: Look!

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

I hear they even want to teach the poor schmuck how to read and do math. What a sin!

[oportet.livejournal.com]

I think spending $40 on a costume so you can get $5 worth of candy matches up pretty well with both parties fiscal policies.

[paedraggaidin.livejournal.com]

lol ain't that the truth

Don't forget externalities

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

Great point! The person shelling out the $40 for the costume is not the same person getting the $5 candy. Profit and loss get quite distorted when people are playing with someone else's money. It's a perfect analogy for government welfare of all kinds: corporate and individual.

I confess...

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

... my costume cost me $2, much of which can be used on future costumes. My take for the holiday was on the order of $10.

Re: I confess...

[oportet.livejournal.com]

I half-assed a costume and it cost me $8, plus I ruined one of my high-quality undershirts ($3). Throw in a bottle of Turkey, and Halloween cost me $33, and I have no candy to show for it.

Re: I confess...

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

I hope you at least got a hangover.

BTW, $3 for an undergarment sounds awfully cheap. It must have been made by slave labor in Madagascar.

Dental technicians...

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

... thank you for your efforts.

[blue-mangos.livejournal.com]

If those lazy kids want candy they need to get a job and work for it like I do. Enough of this 'free' business.

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

There's booze, candy, and costumes. That's traditional American values right there, so I don't know what those people object to.

Sacrelige!

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

You are waging war on Halloween. You will burn in Hell for that.

Re: Sacrelige!

[paedraggaidin.livejournal.com]

I'm Catholic. I'll already going to Hell. Which is cool because Hell is filled with heavy metal music.

Re: Sacrelige!

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

Hell aint a bad place to be!

[gunslnger.livejournal.com]

I make sure to close my gate so that they know I'm not handing out candy to those greedy freeloading kids.