Stop the violence

[pastorlenny.livejournal.com]

Once again, the ugly barbarity that is competitive sport has resulted in horrific crimes against persons and property.  While some will claim that it is only radical hockey enthusiasts that we have to fear, common sense makes it abundantly plain that the whole notion of sports is the problem.  Competitive sports pit one group against another -- inflaming the basest residual passions from our as-yet-not-fully-evolved natures.  To tolerate sport in any form is thus to support the atavistic violence that is its inevitable and ultimate consequence.

I therefore propose that we take three steps immediately:

1) Eliminate all public funding of sport.  This would include sports programs in our public schools, which are the means by which children are brainwashd into thinking that sports represent some sort of social good.

2) Launch a rigorous investigation of existing sporting institutions in the US to determine which ones offer proper allegiance to the government of the United States -- and which ones instead place their own victory and success ahead of our national interests.

3) More effectively control our nothern border to prevent the infiltration of radical hockeyists into our homeland, even if that requires building a wall along certain points of particular vulnerability.



Wake up, America!  It starts with dodgeball -- but it will end in the loss of the peace and freedoms we all hold so dear!

Comments

We only wish it were Friday...

[montecristo.livejournal.com]

I'm with you on item number one!

[the-rukh.livejournal.com]

This is what happens when ye bottle all that up, eh.

[blue-mangos.livejournal.com]

Boo this man. Don't make me fight you, I'm an expert at using the hockey shirt maneuver.

[jonathankorman.livejournal.com]

And can we do something about all the comedy on television? I'm quite certain that it's the reason for all the comedy we see in the streets.

[ddstory.livejournal.com]

And on LJ too!

[blorky.livejournal.com]

This is why the ONLY sport that should be allowed is MMA. It removes the pretensions of stylized fighting and provides the safety of a ruleset. MMA should be taught starting in Grade 5.

[the-rukh.livejournal.com]

Man, I was watching MMA back in the day before they had these "ruleset" thingies. Crazy stuff. Tons of blood every fight. Seemed weird to me because they wouldn't let the winner rest much between fights, so the winner was almost always the loser next fight. He was already pretty messed up.

[blorky.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's way better now. Much better trained athletes, better rulesets, reasonable weightclasses, ring girls.

[malasadas.livejournal.com]

It is a sad day for any city when it can safely be said that Boston sports fans are more classy than their sports fans.

[blue-mangos.livejournal.com]

We take hockey very seriously here, this is not the first time it has happened in Canada after a big loss.

[malasadas.livejournal.com]

Still pretty sad.

I love my hometown and our teams, but I would never pretend that we are a classy lot.

[blue-mangos.livejournal.com]

It is sad, but I'm sure if Boston had lost we would be seeing an equivalent response, if not worse.

[malasadas.livejournal.com]

In Boston they would have restricted the violence to the few known Yankees fans in residence.

[badlydrawnjeff.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I knew that you were once local to the area. If I did, I've completely forgotten.

Also, AHHHHH STANLEY CUP AHHHHH.

[luvdovz.livejournal.com]

As an Icelander, the only sport I care about is chess. Although it could get violent at times, too. Do you know at what velocity those tiny chess pieces could fly across the room!?

[malasadas.livejournal.com]

Don't lie.

You people love competition pillaging, right?

[luvdovz.livejournal.com]

OK fine, I'll add the Iron Man contest, but that's technically chess too. I mean you move various pieces around a field.

fun chess history

[enders-shadow.livejournal.com]

Former world champ Alexander Alekhine once resigned by throwing his king across the room. He was also a bit of a drunk.

Aaron Nimzovitch, 19th century master, once in a blitz tournament in Berlin, stood up on his chair in the middle of the quiet tournament hall and shouted: "why must i lose to this idiot?!"

Best worst-loser in chess history (that i know of anyway) does to a dutch GM who, upon losing a game due to a slip-up involving his queen, returned to the tournament hall in the dead of night and chopped off the tops to all the queens.

If that's as violent as chess gets, I'll take it.

wups, my bad

[enders-shadow.livejournal.com]

err, my timetable was wrong for Nimzovitch. Born 1886, but most of his playing was in the early 20th century.

[policraticus.livejournal.com]

Canada seems like a violent, lawless place.

[pastorlenny.livejournal.com]

It is a cesspool of inhumanity and socialism.

[tridus.livejournal.com]

Ban alcohol. Problem solved.

On a more serious note.

[squidb0i.livejournal.com]

Incidents like this should serve to remind us that the veneer of civilization is thin.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt... and then, it's a party!

[htpcl.livejournal.com]

DQ'ed.

[kinvore.livejournal.com]

I wonder what it says about me that my two favorite sports, American football and mixed martial arts, are so violent.

[meus-ovatio.livejournal.com]

As a Minnesotan, I admit to split loyalties concerning the Canadian hockey.

But with baseball, all we ever have to deal with are Congressional hearings and the occasional parade.

Long live baseball.

[abomvubuso.livejournal.com]

the ugly barbarity that is competitive sport

Stop, stop right there. As a former amateur soccer player, now turned amateur rugby player, i guarantee that all our encounters with opponents are on a totally friendly basis. Well, okay, there's seasonal standings and medals and even a cup in the end, but i assure you its all totally friendly. There's even this practice that the winning team pays the drinks for the losing team at the local pub in the evening after the matches. B'sides, its more like ballet. No one touches anybody, ('cept for some groin groping, but thats part of the game, huh hu huh). Just look at it, doesnt it look, uh, completely friendly?

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[allhatnocattle.livejournal.com]

http://themainlander.com/2011/06/16/spectacular-vancouver-conquers-itself/

[malakh-abaddon.livejournal.com]

I am a rabid Pens fan, but I didn't riot in the streets when we lost Lord Stanley's Cup. Hell, I didn't riot when we won. Not all fans are as distasteful as those that riot, assault fans from other teams (baseball), or players assaulting fans (basketball). My personal favorite was when the fans assaulted the zebras (NFL). Many fans are just fans, we have the good taste to celebrate a victory, mourn a loss without burning a city to the ground, or stringing up that bonehead that cannot even call a coin toss. If you want to talk about out of control fans, just watch a European Football game.

The term fans is short for fanatic, and you have that in almost everything. While I agree that too much emphasis is placed on sports, I cannot see the last two. I mean I am a rabid hockey fan born and bred in northern Pennsylvania. Want to wall in the Keystone State?

Personally I am glad to see Boston bring the cup back, but that is because I am a fan of history. Would also like to see the Raiders bring home the Lombardi trophy, the Cubs win the World Series, and Dale Jr (or Kyle Petty if he still raced) win the Sprint Cup.

[dreadfulpenny81.livejournal.com]

Here's the problem I have with this - during a riot after a loss, what's the point of the losing team destroying their own town?