The ultimate solution to all parents' worries

[luzribeiro.livejournal.com]

"Ma'am, I think I saw a strange armed man coming through the schoolyard."
"You know what to do, my little ones. Shoot'em! Shoot'em now, kids!"
"Aw hell yeah!!!"

US schools weigh bulletproof uniforms: 'It's no different than a seatbelt in a car'
As gun control legislation grinds to halt in Washington, parents and teachers are taking matters into their own hands

"...Lined with ballistic material that can stop a 9mm bullet travelling at 400 metres per second, the backpack is only one of a clutch of new products making their way into US schools in the wake of Newtown school massacre. As gun control legislation grinds to halt in Washington, a growing number of parents and teachers are taking matters into their own hands.

...The Denver company that supplied Jaliyah's rucksack, Elite Sterling Security, has sold over 300 in the last two months and received inquiries from some 2,000 families across the US. It is also in discussion with more than a dozen schools in Colorado about equipping them with ballistic safety vests, a scaled-down version of military uniforms designed to hang in classroom cupboards for children to wear in an emergency."

It may sound a bit shocking (to some) that parents might now be seriously considering the possibility that their children would need such equipment when they're at school in the Land of the Free, but I suppose that's what it has become. And it's not like we didn't see that coming, did we.

If anything, this opens new opportunities for making some awesome school uniforms, perhaps ones involving iron helmets and vests, and of course... guns. Lots of them.

For those interested about more detail on the matter, here's the Elite Sterling Security FAQ section about concealable body armor. Because you know that sooner or later you're gonna need it: http://stores.elitesterlingsecurity.com/-strse-template/faq/Page.bok

I particularly like this Q & A:
"Q: Isn't ballistic protection clothing or "body armor" hot and uncomfortable?"
"A: In many cases, this is true. However, the personal protection apparel offered by Elite Sterling Security has been designed specifically with comfort and ease of wear in mind. The interiors of our apparel are constructed using the latest in thermo-regulating technology, which balances the clothing's ambient temperature between 55.4 F and 62.6 F, thus regulating the body's temperature."

Hey, it also comes in "a wide variety of stylish colors"! What more can we want?

But seriously. It's true what they say about someone's tragedy always being someone else's business opportunity. Once more, the free market has failed to fail to deliver. This great case has revealed the obvious truth that no federal government-led firearm regulation, and no effort to modify gun culture, be it the most sensible, non-invasive and non-2nd-Amendment-infringing possible, is really needed. Because, as we can see, people are perfectly capable of taking good care of themselves and their kids. Because: THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN! And they sure do.

One day, the awesome free market will decide that every child should carry a concealed pistol in his or her pocket. You know, for protection. Or why not a machine gun - that'll teach them insane mass killers to think twice before entering a schoolyard! If they were able to think at all, that is. And then we won't be hearing those impractical proposals of putting armed cops in every classroom (because cops cost money to the taxpayer). The kids, being such free and responsible citizens of the greatest nation that ever was and will be, will be totally able to take care of themselves, and others. Especially others.

Just don't you dare to steal their ice-cream, or you'll have Freedom coming at you in all its might.

Comments

[hardblue.livejournal.com]

I guess the NRA would call this progress, though it does feel more like devolution.

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

Before the age of 12, I had already stolen and discharged several weapons by the time any adult ever bothered to teach me anything.

I used to be fond of getting bullets, taping a rock on the pin, and throw it in the air and wait for the bang. I did this on the school ground during recess in third grade. Good thing that it didn't hit anybody, eh?

But hey, why not just flood our population with lethal weapons and see what happens? To advocate for anything less would be treason.

[rimpala.livejournal.com]

I have an idea, why don't we line up all the gun nuts, have them face each other, arm them with their favorite military grade weapons, and let them have at it. It'll be fun.

[chantalzola.livejournal.com]

May I ask where you grew up/where you were at that age? Just curious.

[op-tech-glitch.livejournal.com]

'Cause there's no way this is about somebody's profits being placed over human life, no sirree.

[sandwichwarrior.livejournal.com]

[ddstory.livejournal.com]

I should've named my mandatory rifle that I hold in my wardrobe "Freiheit".

[luzribeiro.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a name for a carrier ship!

[johnny9fingers.livejournal.com]

As long as the school-shooting-nutters don't aim for headshots...

[policraticus.livejournal.com]

It seems like a modest proposal.

[kylinrouge.livejournal.com]

What about knives? Checkmate, atheists.

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

But what about the super-strong twelve-year olds to mob the shooter? http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/335996/newtown-answers-nro-symposium#

[sandwichwarrior.livejournal.com]

Right, because the official policy of having kids line up against the wall in the event of a lock down or simply stay at their desks is so much better than telling them to fight or run and hide.

[rimpala.livejournal.com]

I'd joke about just throwing all our youth into an arena and let them kill each other, Battle Royale style, but I'd worry about giving the NRA ideas..

[sandwichwarrior.livejournal.com]

I dearly hope this is some kind of joke.

[luzribeiro.livejournal.com]

I did too. For a time.

[rimpala.livejournal.com]

I hope enough people realize that it is completely unacceptable that this is considered necessary

[sandwichwarrior.livejournal.com]

Well nobody likes the alternatives so this is what we get.

[korean-guy-01.livejournal.com]

Freedom for criminals & the mentality ill culture is the problem.

[a-new-machine.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, so we should expand access to mental health care. Perhaps by heavily subsidizing insurance, right? Or maybe just subsidize mental health care directly.

And "freedom for criminals"? The US has, by some measures, the highest incarceration rate of any society in the history of the world. I hardly think our problem is that we lock up too many people.

[rimpala.livejournal.com]

You know, maybe school shootings are a good thing, they weed out the week kids that don't know how to fight back and everyone knows children are useless anyways so why not test some of our finest firearms on them? Those parents morning the loss of their children need to man up, Americans don't cry! They pick up a gun, find the nearest asshole sitting next to them and shoot them in between the eyes! Fuck civilization, life should be one giant firefight!

/end sarcasm, There, troll on that...

[rimpala.livejournal.com]

Oops almost forgot to add insanity wolf

[meus-ovatio.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and this one time a guy came to my town and sold us the rain.

[anfalicious.livejournal.com]

So what you're saying is the next kid to shoot up a school will be armoured?

[luzribeiro.livejournal.com]

I'm sure that kid would be met with a barrage of gunfire. And body armor will undergo a tremendous development in the years to follow.

You know... PROGRESS!

[vehemencet-t.livejournal.com]

So...this article is whining because, in the wake of failed legislative attempts at increasing restrictions to personal access to firearms (excepting, of course, police and military), people with children in school are still scared shitless and trying things like this to give their child a bit more protection (obviously the above examples all have obvious weakspots but they might be better than nothing)?

Yeah I can't really look down on the parents for this. I might look cross-eyed at the manufacturers for possibly exploiting that fear to bolster sales of "scaled down" military tech to grade school parents but in a country where almost everyone is conditioned to accept that neo-liberal capitalism is good for them (despite the butloads of people to which it clearly is not) and the best possible economic model it is hardly surprising nor particularly shameworthy.

No instead we point the finger and laugh at the bad parents who dare not to just wait around while Capitol hill puts their finger in their asses, too terrified to go against the public or the firearms industries or the gun control lobbies but actually try to give their kids something in the meantime?

Fuck off

[luzribeiro.livejournal.com]

Yep. It's totally whining about whatever you insist on assuming it's whining about. It's totally accusing the parents rather than the situation that has brought them to such desperate measures - because such an assumption would suit the gun nuts' narrative pretty conveniently, regardless of the actual contents that they haven't even bothered to investigate, because the notion of nuance doesn't agree well with their troglodyte black-and-white mindset. All they would need to do is to never go past the first few lines, like they usually do for fear of encountering something that might possibly put their preconceived notions in danger.

In conclusion,

Fuck off

I love you too. Now off you trot back into your closet to clean up your gun or something.

[brother-dour.livejournal.com]

My initial response: How much do these things cost? My guess is, way too much for the typical inner-city parent to afford... You know, the people whose kids may actually benefit from having one?

My second thought: Wow. Once again someone gets rich off of someone else's paranoia. Oh, well. No reason the gun manufacturers should be the only ones.

[nairiporter.livejournal.com]

It seems the products designed for children are a lot cheaper than the standard ones. For adults you are expected to pay a couple thousand dollars, but for children it's like 300 dollars per item.

It's a very profitable business strategy, and it's basically an adaptation pushed forward by a market that has existed for quite a while now, just this is the first time that anyone has had to create this equipment for children. What makes it so easy to sell is that people naturally value their children immensely, and they now feel the threat is real and imminent.

All of this shows in what ways the US society has become extremely perverse, and ironically so. I remember some time ago when I was in my first years as a teacher, we had some American students visiting our school, and they commented on how our uniforms and school traditions seemed very regimented and militarised, while the Americans apparently had a much more relaxed school atmosphere in that respect. OK, yes, sure. But our uniforms did not need to be able to block bullets or withstand a combat situation. They were civilian clothes for civilian child usage. Ironically, it turns out that the "relaxed" US system has ultimately brought things to a situation where actual hard militarised school gear would be required to defend the students from a real threat of violence inside the school.

Perhaps, instead of preaching to us about our tradition that "kind of looked" militarised, Americans should have asked themselves why no one else's school uniforms need to actually be serving a real military purpose.

[telemann.livejournal.com]

Heh. Totally.

[kylinrouge.livejournal.com]

Incidents always cause security to be added.

Nothing causes security to be decreased.

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]