talkpolitics | Friday lols story. God hates hobbits too now.

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Gay_83e119_1191394.jpg

REDNECKIVILLE, Somewhere-in-the-South, Real 'Murkka. It seems the Bible-belt-based purity-of-morality grassroots group God Hates Fags (GHF) are at it again. After being served a considerable push-back from the dogpiling hyena vermin of the liberal establishment lame-stream media for their ~~insensitive~~ righteous silence in regards to the recent actions of an unjustly demonized Newtown-based ~~Counterstrike enthusiast~~ mass shooter who became a victim of the court of public opinion and a pawn in O'Bummer's secret anti-2nd-Amendment agenda, the GHF have finally decided to strike back in full force.

Their new target (pun unintended) is now film director and self-proclaimed demigod Peter "Tom Bombadil" Jackson and his recent rendition of JRRT's bedtime story The Hobbit, which he masterly managed to turn into a shrill hybrid between Alien vs Predator, Transformers-2, and the Chronicles of Narnia.

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(Original Peter Jackson image)

The GHF's major point of contention with the movie? Well, apart from the several scenes in the original novel which are outright "glamorizing and glorifying pipe smoking and other despicable hippie customs", the group is planning to bring the film-maker to justice for "corrupting the youth the same way Sir Tolkien did at his time". We should THINK OF THE CHILDREN, after all. Including the still unborn ones, plus the zygotes (aka "life in progress", which of course has a legal primacy over the born life).

Even though Mr Jackson had actually cut the scenes with the pipe-smoking from the new movie (aiming for the younger viewer segment), and is only planning to release them in the special extended Blu-Ray version for adults, which is to be viewed by a select hippie audience, the GHF are still determined to keep the protests against The Hobbit, as the film-maker had obviously decided to be unfaithful to the original source story - which, of course, was meant to be a Biblical allegory. Also, for promoting Biblical sin in the movie, such as gluttony, greed for gold, and the murder of innocent trolls.

http://www.ropeofsilicon.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/bombur-poster.jpg

(An avowed sinner)

"At this point, they're damned if they do and damned if they don't", GHF activist Joe Schmuck and fan of Captain Obvious confirmed the lose-lose situation which the film-makers have placed themselves in, essentially dooming themselves to eternal damnation either way. Which is no surprise, after all, since Hollywood is totally controlled by TEH JUICE. And, as we all know, they're all sinners by default.

"We've had enough of this fake pop culture that's corrupting our youth and diverting them further away from humanity, god-like life, and everything that's truly American!", Joe the activist went on. "Everywhere you look, there's yet another mortal sin being glorified to no end! I mean, just look around! They're casting an openly gay actor as the prime promoter of idolatrous occultism, Gandalf the grey Wizard!? And... and, he smokes pot!? What's next, Elves sleeping with Men!?"

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3mdpa0v1j1r93z07o1_500.jpg

(Two scandalous cases of inter-species relations:
Beren & Luthien [further turning into a bat and a wolf because of their sins], and
Aragorn and Arwen [further turning into king and queen of the Reunited Kingdom, the latter also becoming mortal])

GHF are now planning to stage mass Bible-thumping protests in front of every single theater showing The Hobbit throughout this God-forsaken land, until the film-maker and his crew, and the entire remainder of the Tolkien family are arrested and tried for their "crimes against moral purity" (the Tolkiens being stripped of their 1st-Amendment rights and facing extradition, since they're foreigners). The liberal lamestream media were of course dismissive of their ~~rants~~ complaints. The White House has yet to state their official stance on the matter, but it's safe to assume that O'Bummer will decide to side with Sauron and the forces of darkness, as usual.

Meanwhile, the queer dwarven/hobbitish party goes on...