This is a very typical response. Basically it's "cry me a river" -- though you said it much more nicely than that. (thanks) I don't blame you or anyone else for responding in that way. Other than the woman and young man I know who had bone extension surgery, and my family and some other short people I know I have only ever had all of this dismissed as not important. Though, most of the people who dismiss it are tall or at least medium height so I just assumed they didn't understand what it was like.
You obviously must understand as well but for some reason its not eating you up. Perhaps you have better things to think about or maybe you're just a different person who cares about different things. I'm quite envious to be honest.
I don't think I'm the only short person who has felt this way. In fact I think not having issues is more unique, due to the social pressure and the simple fact that being different is almost never fun. I had a lot of bad experiences with teasing. Teachers and even my parents bought in to the crap that "there is nothing wrong with being different" and" if you just keep your head up the bullies will stop." Well, they didn't stop. and I could have saved myself a lot of pain if I only knew that keeping my head down would have made me safe. I only later found out that trying to be like other people and doing my best to fit in was the better road -- it makes all the difference in the world socially -- it prevents any physical differences (like shortness) from becoming a target. (I'm just not a natural when it comes to relations with people. The advice that it is OK to be different is good maybe for some brighter kids, but for kids who are socially slow as I was/am it's just bad advice-- what I needed was for someone to explain how to interact with others like you would explain how to build a bird house. Combine that ineptness with any extreme feature, even a desirable one, and you have a toxic mix.)
But, whatever it is that has caused me to feel this way my kid could feel the same. I don't want that. I'd love to solve the issues that I have (and that many other short people have for a whole host of non-trivial reasons) but I don't know how to do that. I'll live with these issues for life.
I have learned to like myself issues and all, so that is something.
You say that there are things about your condition that are more noticeable than shortness. That whatever it is "makes you a freak" I don't think physical differences "make freaks" its how other people see those differences and I guess how we see them ourselves. Any person could be a "freak" if everyone else chooses to look at them in that way. Some things are more often targets differences in skin and facial features, height, weight, bones muscles, even constantly having to ask for help or accommodations. Maybe the real solution is to get rid of the gene that makes everyone else care about such things.
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Date: 11/8/11 21:17 (UTC)You obviously must understand as well but for some reason its not eating you up. Perhaps you have better things to think about or maybe you're just a different person who cares about different things. I'm quite envious to be honest.
I don't think I'm the only short person who has felt this way. In fact I think not having issues is more unique, due to the social pressure and the simple fact that being different is almost never fun. I had a lot of bad experiences with teasing. Teachers and even my parents bought in to the crap that "there is nothing wrong with being different" and" if you just keep your head up the bullies will stop." Well, they didn't stop. and I could have saved myself a lot of pain if I only knew that keeping my head down would have made me safe. I only later found out that trying to be like other people and doing my best to fit in was the better road -- it makes all the difference in the world socially -- it prevents any physical differences (like shortness) from becoming a target. (I'm just not a natural when it comes to relations with people. The advice that it is OK to be different is good maybe for some brighter kids, but for kids who are socially slow as I was/am it's just bad advice-- what I needed was for someone to explain how to interact with others like you would explain how to build a bird house. Combine that ineptness with any extreme feature, even a desirable one, and you have a toxic mix.)
But, whatever it is that has caused me to feel this way my kid could feel the same. I don't want that. I'd love to solve the issues that I have (and that many other short people have for a whole host of non-trivial reasons) but I don't know how to do that. I'll live with these issues for life.
I have learned to like myself issues and all, so that is something.
You say that there are things about your condition that are more noticeable than shortness. That whatever it is "makes you a freak" I don't think physical differences "make freaks" its how other people see those differences and I guess how we see them ourselves. Any person could be a "freak" if everyone else chooses to look at them in that way. Some things are more often targets differences in skin and facial features, height, weight, bones muscles, even constantly having to ask for help or accommodations. Maybe the real solution is to get rid of the gene that makes everyone else care about such things.