Funniest conspiracies
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The Illuminati sign on the 1-dollar bank note is one of the fave topics for the "experts" in conspiracy theory. And there are innumerable examples of much crazier conspiracies that come out of the weird minds of people with wild imagination. So here's a gallery which shows some of the funnier ones.
The Smurfs. One of the funniest conspiracies is related to the smurfs. You see, all smurfs wear white hoods. Just like the Ku Klux Klan. And Papa Smurf wears a red hood. Just like the KKK leader. All smurfs are blue and they differ only in character (like that's not enough of a difference). And blue is the color of the sky and... of gods. So there you go.
Around the KKK bonfires. Smurfette (the female smurf) follows the typical "female behavior pattern" as understood by KKK - kitchen, church, and the kids. Also, the smurfs have some typical KKK rituals, like celebrating around a bonfire. And Gargamel the wizard is their big enemy. He's characterized by the typical racial stereotypes (more akin to anti-Semitism) - huge crooked nose, and practices black magic.
Going underground. Another funny conspiracy theory is dedicated to the German province Rheinland-Pfalz. Allegedly a vast network of tunnels is built there underground, which serves as a secret base for the extra-terrestrials (like Area 51, but bigger, and in a densely populated region). I would add the 'hidden folk' of my home country Iceland. Those nutters have been ruling the place (or at least the thoughts of the people inhabiting the place) for centuries. Obviously they're aliens who've been among us since time immemorial and they're still hiding and watching us (for unknown reasons). Also they're stealing our socks from the laundry basket.
The Bielefeld hoax. Have you ever heard of the German town Bielefeld? If yes, then you're among the millions of tricked guys. Because, according to a conspiracy theory which was initially designed as an online prank, Bielefeld simply doesn't exist! And, in order to make the conspiracy work, the media are feeding the public every day with false news from Bielefeld, including the scores of their soccer team Arminia Bielefeld, which of course consists of ghosts (which could explain their poor performances lately). Of course I've been to a place called Bielefeld but now I know it was actually just a suburb of Paderborn and they had put some fake Bielefeld road signs to confuse me. But now I know the truth!
The stellar brotherhood. There may be road signs saying Bielefeld, there could be cars with a Bielefeld registration, but... Bielefeld is actually "their invention". And "they" are the Stellar Brotherhood, centered around the cosmic teacher Ashtar Sheran. Their mission is to prepare for the landing of their alien brothers. The spot they're supposed to land? You guessed right - exactly the territory indicated on the maps as Bielefeld. Everything clicks on its right place now!
The petrol plot. According to a more down-to-earth conspiracy theory, the automobile industry and the OPEC have been hiding and suppressing the patent for a car engine which uses just 1.6 litres of gas per 100 km. Obviously they want you to keep buying their oil dearly and fill their pockets. Also as we all know, they're the ones who killed the electric car before it was even born.
Mission "Cholesterol". Another conspiracy theory claims that the pharmacy industry and the doctors are making billions of dollars because of the dangerous levels of cholesterol. Although many scientists believe it's not necessary to bring its levels down as it's an important part of physiology. For example the brain needs large amounts of it. The mother's milk also contains cholesterol because newborn babies cannot produce it. But still, all that has been achieved through genetic engineering so the pharma industry could make money from it.
The light-bulb cartel. Some believe that the producers of light-bulbs have invented a way to produce eternal lights, like the perpetuum mobile, but with light. However, existential fears are hindering us from ever seeing the new technology appearing on the market, and the producers stubbornly continue denying its existence. The "light-bulb cartel" plays a central role in this conspiracy.
Microwave terrorism. Organized crime has devised a new and very powerful weapon, another theory says. The bad guys don't attack their victims with guns any more, that's so 20 century! Now they do it with... microwave technology developed by the military. It's the perfect means of mind control. The only protection - you know it very well - the tinfoil hat!
High voltage. What's more, the "microwave crime" is particularly efficient because it leaves no evidence and reaches many targets simultaneously. In other words: the time for the "perfect crime" has come!
Paul is dead? A widespread urban legend claims that Paul McCartney has been dead for years and was substituted with a lookalike. The "Sgt. Pepper" album cover features someone who looks like Paul, wearing a patch on his shirt saying OPD, which is obviously the Canadian acronym for Officially Pronounced Dead. I don't know what McCartney has to do with Canada, but we shall find out one day.
The devil genius. Another celebrity is subject of a wide-spread conspiracy theory. I'm talking of Bill Gates, who's no one else but the Devil himself. His full name is William Henry Gates III, which, when written in its original form and transformed through ASCII values, gives us a series of numbers whose sum makes up to exactly 666, the Number of the Beast!!!
Weird taste. Col. Sanders is the face from the KFC packages. There are strange rumors floating around that he bequeathed 1/10 of his wealth to the KKK (here we go again). It's even alleged that KKK took control of the KFC network after Sanders' death, and then added a specific spice to the menu, which renders blacks sterile...
Irony of fate... Curious, KFC is now loved by African Americans (or is it?)
Hitler on the Moon. Hitler's rise created a colorful palette of conspiracy theories, and one of them sticks out as particularly bright and amusing. See, the Nazi managed to go into space as early as 1942 and built a Moon base. Then they contacted an alien race. Probably there's a whole planetary system somewhere out there now controlled by a Nazi regime. It could be the Jovian system - Jupiter with its 63 confirmed satellites.
Infernal plan. Vaccines and the genetically modified foods are used mostly to make people sick instead of cure them, another conspiracy theory says. They are part of a global plan of the world elite to depopulate Earth as postulated by the Georgia Guidestones ("Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature). Apparently, the above mentioned Bill Gates is also involved (that fucker wants to kill us through health care!), as well as JP Morgan-Chase and Goldman Sachs, where without them?
Charlemagne was faked? Heribert Illig posits the theory that the epoch of the Early Middle Ages (614-911) never happened. The artifacts from that time, Illig says, were fakes, added at a later time, and all "historical" persons were a complete hoax, they were all made up, including Charlemagne.
The barcode. You probably know that one. There's a theory that the barcode has just one purpose: to establish a full control on humanity. This plan has a totally Satanic origin, and its authors are the members of the so-called World Government, which pushes the NWO. Notice the three dividing lines on every single barcode in the world? That says 666, the mark of the Beast!
So, in a nutshell, we're screwed. I don't know how exactly, but did you see what a long list there is? One way or another, we are screwed. How do I know this? Well, I'm a witch of course. Did I mention red hair color is a sign for evil incarnate?
(no subject)
Date: 21/5/11 17:24 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 21/5/11 17:34 (UTC)It's amazing to what lengths human imagination could bring people when they're bored and don't know what to do in their spare time.
Also I always knew I should be careful with redheads!
(no subject)
Date: 21/5/11 17:39 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 21/5/11 17:40 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 21/5/11 17:44 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 21/5/11 17:50 (UTC)Seems like every country has its own conspiracies and some "magic" places, like our Tsarichina Hole, which is a portal to another dimension. Oh, and ET's regularly park their saucers there.
When asked about it, the late blind Baba Vanga (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baba_Vanga) clairvoyant said "You haven't grown up enough yet to ask these questions". She took this Sekkrit and many others to her grave, but not before she had made a full point-by-point, year-by-year predicted schedule (http://lighthead.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/baba-vanga-predictions-2010-5079/) for the long-term development of the world.
Frankly, I can't wait for the United Islamic Caliphate of Europistan, aka Muslim Rome (2043~). Allahu aqbar!
(no subject)
Date: 21/5/11 18:22 (UTC)Yeah, right? I almost stopped reading there, but then...
OH SHEESH!!!
(no subject)
Date: 21/5/11 18:26 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 21/5/11 19:33 (UTC)Still, some conspiracies do happen in real. Only sometimes. http://www.cracked.com/article_15974_7-insane-conspiracies-that-actually-happened.html
The Smurfs is the best one.
(no subject)
Date: 21/5/11 22:00 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 21/5/11 22:03 (UTC)They were communists. (http://www.angelfire.com/mo/potatofarm/smurf.html)
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Date: 21/5/11 22:09 (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 22/5/11 08:36 (UTC)Obviously, 616 is behind this.
Doesn't it sound... stimulating? ;)
"And God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply..."
(no subject)
Date: 21/5/11 22:13 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 22/5/11 09:55 (UTC)Masons and the Illuminati
Date: 21/5/11 22:48 (UTC)There is a Klan connection to the Masons as well. It, too, is an offshoot of the older organization. So are the Mormons.
Fundamentalists often propagate ideas about the Masons that poison the waters for that venerable fraternity of public service. For one, they say that the Masons worship the fallen angel. I asked a Mason what he thought of the allegation. He quipped that at the 33rd degree level, who knows what they worship.
As for the microwave conspiracy theory, it was probably propagated by the US military in order to deflect criticism from its own experiments with the use of microwave devices for purposes of mind control.
Re: Masons and the Illuminati
Date: 21/5/11 22:58 (UTC)Re: Masons and the Illuminati
Date: 22/5/11 03:03 (UTC)Re: Masons and the Illuminati
Date: 22/5/11 08:58 (UTC)Re: Masons and the Illuminati
Date: 22/5/11 22:23 (UTC)Re: Masons and the Illuminati
Date: 22/5/11 22:21 (UTC)I did not get the story of military experimentation with mind control from watching TV. It comes from bumping up against a test of their contraption while I was consulting on a telecommunication project some years back. It was a rather crude device, as most military contraptions tend to be.
(no subject)
Date: 22/5/11 14:48 (UTC)The one I'd always heard was that they were Communists - Single Men Under a Red Father - SMURF. Gargamel wants to take them and turn them into gold (just like a filthy capitalist sees the oppressed proletariate!). Smurfette was originally a scab (it's worth knowing that she was created by Gargamel to create havoc within the Smurfs via rampant jealousy), but was turned by the courage and devotion of her SMURFy comrades.
(no subject)
Date: 22/5/11 21:53 (UTC)I dunno... I've known a lot of redheads, and that one's pretty plausible. :)
Beware...
Date: 22/5/11 22:25 (UTC)Re: Beware...
Date: 22/5/11 23:49 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 23/5/11 03:15 (UTC)But some people have noticed a few too many similarities between this comet and one of the recent disaster movies, Deep Impact. They've latched onto the name, especially and prefer to type it out ELEnin, emphasizing the ELE for Extinction Level Event. Some have gone so far as to say that the name is just a code and that the astronomer Elenin doesn't even exist. In fact his existance has been questioned on his very own Q & A web page (http://spaceobs.org/en/page/2/).
Other people have noticed that the path Elenin takes is too similar to that of Nibiru. In their view, Elenin is not a comet at all - it's a planet inhabited by aliens who are coming to enslave us, or it's a fleet of alien ships disguised as a comet.
Alignments between Elenin, Earth and other planets have been blamed for the major earthquakes in Chile and Japan.
Poor Mr. Elenin, he really just wants everyone to relax and enjoy the show.
(no subject)
Date: 24/5/11 05:17 (UTC)I always wondered why people wore tin hats.
Now I know!