Liveblogging the Rapture

[anfalicious.livejournal.com]

OK, I know I said in the Friday Fun thread that I was going to leave this until tomorrow (Saturday), because SOME PEOPLE can't wait until Friday to start the post :P

Anyway, I'm bringing it forward because I have a big announcement to make!

Giraffery Lemon over at Heathen Scripture wrote to Family Radio requesting clarification over the time of The Rapture and he now has a response!



From: EBiblefell​owship Response Team
ebfresponse@gmail.com
To: leffrey@hotmail
Date: 17/05/2011

Thank you for writing.

Judgement Day begins at around 6 PM in every time zone. It will start in the first time zone to hit May 21, and the earthquakes will roll across the earth hitting each time zone at around 6 PM.

May God bless you, The EBF Response Team

Yes, that's right, 6pm in ALL TIME ZONES! That means I will see Christians disappearing in the street earlier than most here so I'll be able to keep you all posted on how things are going. The EBF have also been so kind as to tell the exact mode of death: EARTHQUAKES!

This leaves me in a little bit of a conundrum as to how I am going to liveblog this shit AND go out looting the homes of Christians AND getting down the beach to surf the most epic waves in history.



34 33 32 24 22 18.5 9 2 hours and counting!

ETA 1250: For those of you who doubt the veracity of the science behind this prediction I can reveal to you now: The Mathematical Certainty

ETA 1254: What prayers should YOU be saying? Jeremiah (most of it) and Hosea, says Harold Camping. Audiobooks available here!

ETA 1411: To clear up some confusion, tomorrow is just The Rapture, those of us luck enough to be left behind have until October 21st, 2011 to make sure we earn out place in Hell.

ETA 1800: Edited to unlock the post because I am an idiot.

ETA 2000: From the Twittersphere: #Rapture prank: On Saturday, take some of your old clothes and shoes and leave sets of them arranged on sidewalks and lawns around town.

ETA 2330: I'm off to get my pre-Rapture beauty sleep. In the meantime, post your suggestions of the best post-rapture use of Church property. So far I'm thinking paintball ranges, skateparks, go kart tracks, bars and brothels. Preferably all at once.

If we get lucky and it takes the Papists too I'm going to Rome to get me some Nazi gold.

ETA 0900: The day has arrived. Heading out to scout potential looting hot spots, off to FundyVille (the outer suburbs). 9 hours to go, still no earthquakes.

ETA 1600: All suited up, post apocalypse style (see here). Heading out now to a Rapture looting/orgy party. Hopefully should be able to get on to the old lady's iPhone to update you all in two hours.

ETA 1610: ***ALERT ALERT ALERT*** www.familyradio.com appears to be down. Harbinger of the horns perhaps?

ETA 1612: Nope, it's up now. For those of you raising the point the Bible specifically says that no man will know when The Rapture is, Harold Camping addresses your legitimate concerns with the logic, reasoning and rationality that has made him great: No Man Knows?

ETA 1800: from iPhone. No earthquakes or Jebus. Thinking he has stopped at pub to get booze.

ETA 1900: Went looting anyway, no point wasting a good outfit! People were generally a mixture of confusion, fear and rage. Didn't get an iPad :( It's been fun, family radio have run a good campaign. Would Rapture again.

For now, I'm off to hide out for a while.

Comments

[blue-mangos.livejournal.com]

Aw yeah. This gives me time to get all sorts of debauchery in before the rapture hits.

And I can resolve the first two problems, you just loot at someone's house who has an iPad and you can blog on the go. You'll have to take a break for the surfing though.

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

^Wot 'e said.

[policraticus.livejournal.com]

I don't get the looting thing. If the world is ending you aren't going to have time to enjoy or sell the loot.

Feel free to hang ten, though.

[blue-mangos.livejournal.com]

Those of us that will be Left Behind can enjoy the loot.

[anfalicious.livejournal.com]

So I've decided that this is a perfect time to get on the Twitters.

Follow @EBibleFellowshp and #rapture and #endofworldregrets

Just as soon as I work out how to use it...

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

Hmm......a little music to lighten things up:

[policraticus.livejournal.com]

[fizzyland.livejournal.com]

Awesome, so the Australians will be getting it first!

/just like Y2K
//meaning nothing will happen
///calls first dibs on the Pope's hot tub if it does

[policraticus.livejournal.com]

I am pretty sure that if Harold Camping is right, the Pope ain't goin' nowhere on Saturday.

[il-mio-gufo.livejournal.com]

wait, stop . . . i don't get it --> if the 21st is going to be the end of the world, then when did the 'rapture' happen??? was i left behind? were we all left behind? :(

[udoswald.livejournal.com]

May 21st is supposed to be the rapture. The actual end isn't supposed to come until October. Not that it matters, it's all crazy nonsense anyway.

[paedraggaidin.livejournal.com]

When all the Real Christians™ get taken up to glory on Saturday, and all us hell-bound heathens get Left Behind, I am going to single-handedly take over every single gospel, Christian, hip-hop, and so help me God country radio station in the State of Arkansas and begin blasting out metal across the airwaves of the now-damned wasteland with all the unholy megawattage I can muster.

Up the Irons, Bible Belt!

[anfalicious.livejournal.com]

The Iron Maiden discography should eat up a few days of the last six months :)

[geezer-also.livejournal.com]

No contest dude....The waves!!!!!

[anfalicious.livejournal.com]

Yep. The trick is going to be to get up to speed enough to catch them. I'm going to need a *really* fast boat to tow in off...

[soliloquy76.livejournal.com]

The end of the world is happening on lulz Friday. Coincidence?

[abomvubuso.livejournal.com]

Also, its always "the 21st" of something.

[fizzyland.livejournal.com]

This minister and the Time Cube guy definitely need to compare disorders notes.

Box truck and black rifle at the ready for mega-looting.

[squidb0i.livejournal.com]

Even have a themesong picked out:

Re: Box truck and black rifle at the ready for mega-looting.

[anfalicious.livejournal.com]

To my knowledge this is the first time a white person rapped, at least on record. First rap influence #1 too. Take what you will from that...

[malakh-abaddon.livejournal.com]

God I love my Iphone. 1800 hours.. Hell yeah, I will be off from work, I can start then.

[malakh-abaddon.livejournal.com]

I should leave a note, to be passed to these guys and the rest of the media, declaring that I made the cut for the rapture, and everyone else did not. Sit back in my corner of the world, and laugh as all the freaky religious nuts spaz over the little heathen gets into heaven and they don't.

[abomvubuso.livejournal.com]

This is great. It means we'll be able to watch you guys disappear from our screens. One moment you see a crowd of curious people watching to the sky, next thing you know there's a black wall approaching on the horizon, and then... BAM!

Then we have a few hours to say our prayers :)

[il-mio-gufo.livejournal.com]

it seems i've waited to the last minute to schedule an appt with the priest for my confession; he's all booked now & they even brought it two other padres to account for the high volume. but who, i ask, who am i to confess to now?

[dreadfulpenny81.livejournal.com]

For anyone who might already have it, should I order The Zombie Survival Guide (http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1305878223&sr=8-2-spell)? If I order it in the next 15 hours, it'll be delivered on Saturday.

[anfalicious.livejournal.com]

Whilst that is enjoyable, and has some useful hints, a google books search with the terms "survive" and "apocalypse" and "end of the world" will yield many more helpful books.

[ddstory.livejournal.com]

Since the end is now imminent, I at least hope it'll be brought by these guys.

[blue-mangos.livejournal.com]

On Saturday, take some of your old clothes and shoes and leave sets of them arranged on sidewalks and lawns around town.

I am so doing this.

[brockulfsen.livejournal.com]

In recognition of tomorrows Festival of Ignorance and Stupidity, I blaspheme the Holy Spirit. Verily I declare the Holy Spirit to be an imaginary douche. (Mark 3:29 But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit can never be forgiven, but is guilty of eternal sin.)

[anfalicious.livejournal.com]

Here here.

Best to get your sins in now so you don't get raptured. If heaven is eternity with these guys I'll take a pass :P

[blue-mangos.livejournal.com]

From the DC Dept. of Transportation twitter account:
(http://pics.livejournal.com/blue_mangos/pic/0000x9pe/)

[muse-misery.livejournal.com]

ah, shit, I broke my brain trying to figure out the time difference between my rapture (Thailand) and all my fiends/families raptures (everywhere else).

This judgment day stuff is too hard :(

[anfalicious.livejournal.com]

They're 6pm local time everywhere, so no need to work out time differences. Pretty clever for God to know what time keeping system we would have developed all these years in the future. I guess there goes any remaining doubt about our lack of free will.

[montanaisaleg.livejournal.com]

This is all so unfair. Raptured people in New Zealand will have more hours in heaven than the rest of us!

[soliloquy76.livejournal.com]

Power outage at work... IT'S HAPPENING!!!1!

[htpcl.livejournal.com]

Huge earthquake in Turkey yesterday, was felt even here at home (600 km by straight line). All lamps at home were swaying for several minutes.

It's because we've been praying to the wrong God all the time! Allah is sending us a sign!

[ofbg.livejournal.com]

My two-bits worth, directly from the Bible.

There are several verses that state clearly that we won't know the date or time that Jesus will return.

1 Thessalonians 5:2-4 (NIV) for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. 3 While people are saying, "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. 4 But you, brothers, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief.

Luke 12:39-40 (NIV) But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him."

Revelation 3:3 (NIV) Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you.

Revelation 16:15 (NIV) "Behold, I come like a thief! Blessed is he who stays awake and keeps his clothes with him, so that he may not go naked and be shamefully exposed."

[anfalicious.livejournal.com]

Head over to Family Radio (http://www.familyradio.com), Harold Camping addresses these issues. I'd go there and get the info myself, but it seems to be down...

[oportet.livejournal.com]

I think this Rapture thing is going to hit a cold front and move over Alabama.

I may be wrong, so I didn't fill up the gas tank today - just threw ten in there to get me around tomorrow morning.

[blue-mangos.livejournal.com]

Boooooo! I'm going to hold on to the hope that maybe Australia just doesn't have any of the right kind of Christians so you were all left behind.

[anfalicious.livejournal.com]

Ha! I wish. Family Radio had billboards up here :P

[malakh-abaddon.livejournal.com]

Only Randy "Macho Man" Savage made the cut, suicides are impending. I wonder how many idiots quit their jobs yesterday, in preparation of being spirited away.

I was told the Big Man's space ship ran out of fuel, and he will be slightly delayed. Other rumors about this latest development are, the Big Man being pissed over his plans being figured out changed the date of the rapture, he forgot, he cannot figure out time zones, and the Rapture already occurred and this is a conspiracy by the Vatican, in order to establish the Pop... I mean anti-christ's thousand year reign.