... And now for The Idiot's Perspective on the latest news of the day:

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

So, since I last logged on, or even had a chance to catch more than a few minutes of TV, Osama bin Laden has been put out to sea, rather literally.



That's right — the Osama bin Laden/Megatron connection. I WENT THERE, BITCHES.
Now, I ain't gonna celebrate, but I sure as shit ain't gonna begrudge anyone who does, because no matter how crunchy-granola my sensibilities can still get, I'm sorry, but once you pull absolutely unpardonable bullshit to the extent that Ol' Boy Beard-Brain did, you've pretty much abdicated any and all rights you might have once had to still claim citizenship in the human race. If you want to be part of a people who will approve of your dipshit shenanigans, go apply for asylum to the Cardassian Union, except don't be surprised when they offer you even less pity than we do.



"Of course you can gain admittance ... as soon as you tell me how many lights you see."
Anyway, you all do realize that we are all now completely fucking fucked, right?

Because let's say you have this guy, who's kind of a fuck-knuckle and a figurehead, but he is nonetheless the official leader of a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world:



Whatever happened to the awesome '80s arch-villain fashion trend of combining Hitler-helmets with regal capes and bad-ass metal masks? That shit was so cash.
But after a while, you've finally had about as much as you can stand of his batshit fuckwit schemes, so you drop-kick his dumb ass out of the narrative and, for all intents and purposes, off the face of the fucking Earth:



When it comes to retcons that were so toxic that they damn near killed the entire franchise, Cobra-La was the "One More Day" of '80s children's cartoons.
But all you've really done is created a power-vacuum at the top of the Pyramid of Darkness, which sounds WAY cooler than "the Axis of Evil," and which Al-Qaeda will no doubt fill by cloning a new leader from the DNA of history's greatest military geniuses:



Plus one washed-up former World Wrestling Federation superstar, because that's all it takes to be the intellectual and ideological equal of Sun Tzu, apparently.
... I mean, you all DO get what this is, that we've just entered into here, right?

Because we are all now officially into the COBRA-LA phase of our War On Terror, which means that this is the point at which EVERYTHING IS GOING TO TOTALLY FUCKING SUCK — yes, even worse than ever before — because the guys who are writing for the franchise are obviously just completely the fuck out of new or good ideas, SO LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING TERRORISTS WITH ORGANIC ARMOR AND BAT WINGS FROM NOW ON, ASSHOLES, while I wait for the inevitable retcon that reveals that bin Laden was actually taking all of his marching orders from an immortal snake monster with a deeply creepy voice:



Thank you, Daniel O'Brien of Cracked.com, for spreading the truth.
... Anyway, in the midst of everyone else having deep, meaningful or otherwise worthwhile thoughts to share on this occasion, I felt that my own unique perspective (IE. the totally stupid asshole point of view) was woefully under-represented in this discussion, even among those who never fail to provide otherwise totally stupid asshole points of view of their own.

Comments

[mrbogey.livejournal.com]

Actually,in truth, I expect Al Qaeda to try and legitimize itself now that their ideological founder who did all the dirty work is gone.

Look at Hamas and Hezbollah. Or even Irgun to an extent.

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

At least tell me that we'll be going through an embarrassing Ninja Force (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ninja_Force) period. Because I was actually kinda looking forward to that.

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

You do raise a good point about the rest of the organization no longer being tied to the wishes of their now-dead leader, especially since their desire to enshrine bin Laden as a martyr might be outweighed by their desire to be done with this bullshit.

[whoasksfinds.livejournal.com]

al qaeda has been a decentralized leaderless organization for almost 10 years. nothing changes except for the fact that we just massacred that bearded bastard!

SEMPER FUCKING FI MOTHER FUCKERS!

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

BULLSHIT YOU WILL NOT TELL ME THAT EVERYTHING I LEARNED ABOUT GLOBAL TERRORISM FROM WATCHING G.I. JOE IS A LIE

EVEN NOW A SCOTTISH WEAPONS MERCHANT WITH A FORM-FITTING METAL FACEMASK AND A HOT EUROTRASH SPY WITH SEXY LIBRARIAN GLASSES ARE MOVING UP THE RANKS OF AL-QAEDA DON'T YOU FUCKING MESS WITH MY DREAM GODDAMMIT

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

But yes, Cracked.com actually raised this same point with regard to Blofeld in the James Bond movies. (http://www.cracked.com/article_18733_6-movies-that-didnt-realize-they-let-villain-win_p2.html)

[fizzyland.livejournal.com]

"Osama was delicious. Please send more Al Qaeda."

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

Who fucks their mothers? Navy seals? Marines? Everyone else?

[root-fu.livejournal.com]

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

... What IS this? It's oddly hypnotic.

I feel like he should be saying, "COMMENCE TA JIGGLIN'!"

[dv8nation.livejournal.com]

It was the Pyramid of *Darkness*, Box.

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

... I was waiting for someone to catch that:



Good job. :)

[st-rev.livejournal.com]

That's another advantage to AQ devolving along Triad lines: they get way cooler tchotchkes and ceremonies. Like, secret magic tattoos and shit. Plus, fifty years from now, Afghani action cinema will be the new cool.

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

It's why we keep coming back to the Nazis as villains in popular culture. As much of an assclown as Hitler was, Norman Spinrad was correct in pointing out that the man's gift for fantasy iconography was sadly misapplied. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Iron_Dream)

[abomvubuso.livejournal.com]

I'd kill an infidel to watch that.

[sealwhiskers.livejournal.com]

You know..after thinking long and hard about this, I think that Bin Laden's sudden death was created to take away the attention from the Canadian election. AND IT WORKED!

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

You don't need bin Laden for that. Canadians are like the Silents. As soon as we stop looking at you, we forget you were ever there. ;)



... I'm sorry, what were we discussing?

[badlydrawnjeff.livejournal.com]

No no, Obama is simply in league with the conservatives, and this was Canada's May surprise!!!!11

[blue-mangos.livejournal.com]

Sadly nothing can distract me from our election results :(

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

I'm amazed that it's been met with such a positive reception.

[abomvubuso.livejournal.com]

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

I predict something slightly different than Bogey, that with OBL dead any pretense of the singular Al-Qaeda is for all practical purposes deader than Joe Quesada's sense of tact.

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

So we've traded Cobra Commander for Darklon and Cesspool (http://www.cracked.com/article_17474_the-7-most-unintentionally-hilarious-g.i.-joe-characters.html), then.

[3fgburner.livejournal.com]

One minor nitpick (and a de-Godwinization):

"Whatever happened to the awesome '80s arch-villain fashion trend of combining Hitler-helmets with regal capes and bad-ass metal masks? That shit was so cash."

It's more like a cross between a sallet and a kabuto, with a menpo instead of a visor.