Lulz-time? Ed's awesome new life!

[mahnmut.livejournal.com]

Gitmo Bay, Somewhere-Totally-Not-Under-US-Jurisdiction. A top-ranking official from the National Spying Agency (NSA) has leaked the true next destination of famous leaker and whistle-blower Ed Snowden, under the condition of full anonymity. Which makes the following piece of intel a meta-leak, aka "leak within the leak" (sorry, DiCaprio)...

The only thing this totally anonymous source has agreed to reveal about themselves is that he... oops, they are definitely not Snowden himself. So, the source, seen here:

Now that we've established the source's non-identity, we can proceed to his, arrrrgh, I mean their actual testimony, which is as follows...

"Today early morning, after having his 55th BigMac at the departures lounge of the Sheremetyevo airport, Mr Snowden has finished booking a flight to Cuba, by clicking on "accept charges" at the PayPal website. He's taking a Russky Airline Flight 007 from Moscow, via Europe, over the Big Water, via Bolivia, to Gitmo Bay, Cuba, which is his final destination. He's planning to spend a quiet, low-profile life over there from now on, writing autobiography bestsellers and running a covert global-leaks organization, in competition to that-other-guy-with-the-white-hair".

The leaker-in-chief (who's totally not Snowden, as we already learned) has also revealed some more details about Ed's flight plan. Apparently, some undercover CIA agents who'll infiltrate the plane at Sheremetyevo US passengers who are complete strangers and in fact, as polls conducted at the airport suggest, are very very much in support of Mr Snowden's righteous struggle for Truth, will then close in on the target.

Further, the NSA informant elaborated on the plan: "It's simple, baby. We'll put a bag on his head, handcuff him to an agent, force the pilot to lower the plane, then skydive him off-board, and onto the carrier waiting underneath. Huh huh huhhh".

After having a good long sip of malt to fight off the cough emerging from their cackle, they went on: "Then we'll transport our truth-fighter to a very cosy resort location on the shores of Cuba, where he'll be given an extremely warm welcome. Huh huh huuuuuhh".

So what happens with our noble hero from thence on? It appears he just can't wait to see his awesome new place that's waiting for him, and start his awesome new life in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by friendly folks. By the way, he's not planning to take a lot of food on board, since he heard there's plenty of stuff to eat at Gitmo Bay right now.

Comments

[htpcl.livejournal.com]

I'm sure some operative somewhere in a room with lots of screens is closing in on the target right now, and directing a drone's attention to dear Ed.

All in the name of freedom and democracy, of course.

[luzribeiro.livejournal.com]

If they wanted to take him down, wouldn't the NSA/CIA have done that already? It's not like there aren't thousands of people passing through that terminal every hour.

[root-fu.livejournal.com]

Just as Navy Seals responsible for assassinating Osama Bin Laden had no jurisdiction in Pakistan, so would the CIA and NSA not have jurisdiction to operate in Russia?

[luzribeiro.livejournal.com]

When have they needed to have jurisdiction?