Semi-lullzy Friday lameness
7/9/12 16:04![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
mahnmut.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
talkpolitics· When chemists die, they barium.
· Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
· I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
· How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
· This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
· I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
· They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type- O.
· A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
· PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
· Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
· Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
· Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
· I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
· How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
· Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
· When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
· What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
· I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
· Broken pencils are pointless.
· I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
· What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
· England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
· I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
· I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
· All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
· I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
· Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
· Velcro - what a rip off!
· Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
· Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
· Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.
· I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
· Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
· I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
· How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
· This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
· I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
· They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type- O.
· A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
· PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
· Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
· Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
· Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
· I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
· How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
· Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
· When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
· What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
· I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
· Broken pencils are pointless.
· I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
· What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
· England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
· I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
· I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
· All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
· I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
· Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
· Velcro - what a rip off!
· Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
· Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
· Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.
· I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 13:31 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 21:07 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 14:19 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 14:31 (UTC)To get a long little doggie!
(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 14:33 (UTC)Well, they're NOT LAUGHING NOW!
(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 15:16 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 15:22 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 15:27 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 15:36 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 17:36 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 21:06 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 8/9/12 21:15 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 10/9/12 14:21 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 15:43 (UTC)Why would I need a fridge, since I don't smoke?
(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 17:38 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 8/9/12 00:58 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 17:19 (UTC)(me): You should toss that.
(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 19:03 (UTC)I would call it...
"Chez Mognuie"
(no subject)
Date: 8/9/12 04:28 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 10/9/12 14:03 (UTC)and "Mognuie" is pronounced "Mon-new"
Thus, phonetically, the restaurant name is Shame-on-you
It works better in person.
(no subject)
Date: 10/9/12 14:47 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 17:34 (UTC)You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make em think.
(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 20:24 (UTC)A fuckin know-it-all!
(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 20:29 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 18:31 (UTC)I grew out of it when I realized I was just beating a dead horse
(Pro-tip: tell this one often enough, and the telling of the joke becomes beating a dead horse. it's lovely)
(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 18:37 (UTC)But you cant tuna fish.
(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 19:53 (UTC)...
*RIMSHOT*
...
*RIMSHOT*
...
(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 20:30 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 8/9/12 05:53 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 21:11 (UTC)Heaven is Italian food, with German musicians, British butlers, Swiss bankers, and French women. Hell is British food, with Swiss musicians, French butlers, German women, and Italian bankers.
(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 21:17 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/12 22:02 (UTC)