Oh lulz. Let's brag!!
17/8/12 19:33![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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talkpoliticsYou know, a recent convo around these frequencies where someone was telling the audience how awesome and exceptional they are, reminded me of how utterly unique *I* am. So do bear with me if you dare! And I challenge you to come up with a cooler story than mine! IF ONLY YOU COULD!
See, I won't lie, I'm a bit less unique than Superman, the Incredible Hulk, and Einstein combined. At just 169 IQ I'm stronger than an ox and can lift a car with the little finger of my left hand while peeling an orange with the fingernail of the other. I usually eat half a cow for breakfast, daily. That's after my 50km jogging and 10km swimming exercise which I do while watching TV on my cellphone. The other half of the cow I eat before lunch (and don't even ask me about lunch). But I'm still like Apollo's statue. At 3 I was playing the violin; at 6 I was playing two violins simultaneously. At 9 I constructed my first tank. A real tank that was. I drove it through Sahara to collect the Chest of the Covenent, then sold it to the Martians and bought a space ship which I flew to Pluto and back. Pluto wasn't happy. I don't ski on "diamond" ski slopes; I carve them out of diamonds, then lend them over to master skiers to ski on. I used to play chess, until the Deep Blue computer finally short-circuited and I dumped it at the scrapheap.
(sobbing) My only problem is... I like rakia. My curse, or maybe my blessing. Don't know rakia? I'm telling ya, you don't wanna know it. Don't even google it, that's the first step to slavery! Once you've fallen a slave to it, you won't become the 18 times Olympic champion I was bound to be, had I not tried it. But I don't regret a thing. CUZ RAKIA IS TEH R0XX0RZ, YO!
I'd still have enjoyed those 18 gold medals, though. But meh...
I still have 18 World Cups in the rakia drinking world challenge, though.
Oh, and did I mention I'm also extremely humble and never brag about anything I've achieved. Yep, that's me...
What about you?
See, I won't lie, I'm a bit less unique than Superman, the Incredible Hulk, and Einstein combined. At just 169 IQ I'm stronger than an ox and can lift a car with the little finger of my left hand while peeling an orange with the fingernail of the other. I usually eat half a cow for breakfast, daily. That's after my 50km jogging and 10km swimming exercise which I do while watching TV on my cellphone. The other half of the cow I eat before lunch (and don't even ask me about lunch). But I'm still like Apollo's statue. At 3 I was playing the violin; at 6 I was playing two violins simultaneously. At 9 I constructed my first tank. A real tank that was. I drove it through Sahara to collect the Chest of the Covenent, then sold it to the Martians and bought a space ship which I flew to Pluto and back. Pluto wasn't happy. I don't ski on "diamond" ski slopes; I carve them out of diamonds, then lend them over to master skiers to ski on. I used to play chess, until the Deep Blue computer finally short-circuited and I dumped it at the scrapheap.
(sobbing) My only problem is... I like rakia. My curse, or maybe my blessing. Don't know rakia? I'm telling ya, you don't wanna know it. Don't even google it, that's the first step to slavery! Once you've fallen a slave to it, you won't become the 18 times Olympic champion I was bound to be, had I not tried it. But I don't regret a thing. CUZ RAKIA IS TEH R0XX0RZ, YO!
I'd still have enjoyed those 18 gold medals, though. But meh...
I still have 18 World Cups in the rakia drinking world challenge, though.
Oh, and did I mention I'm also extremely humble and never brag about anything I've achieved. Yep, that's me...
What about you?
(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 16:49 (UTC)I feel my work here is done.
(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 16:55 (UTC)Good free choice of a place to be born, btw.
(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 17:00 (UTC)Good free choice of a place to be born, btw.
Bootstraps!
(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 17:04 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 17:40 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 17:56 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 21:24 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 21:51 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 17:49 (UTC)I won't claim I did it completely on my own, though. I had great teachers and this unbelievable American system to help me.
(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 18:29 (UTC)I scored one of the 5 tries for the win of my neighbourhood's amateur rugby team against the mighty UNWC earlier today, helping our guys to demolish them in the town's semi-final playoff, and qualify for the final. Cross your fingers next Friday, around 17h your time! There's a trophy to fetch! ;)
Yours-truly in action...
Hit dat hard, biach!!!
(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 19:42 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 18:36 (UTC);)
(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 19:26 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 17/8/12 19:29 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18/8/12 02:16 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18/8/12 11:25 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18/8/12 10:52 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18/8/12 12:27 (UTC)"Where have you been?"
"Special assignment."
(no subject)
Date: 18/8/12 12:34 (UTC)"Aren't you supposed to be TAD this week?"
"Why yes, yes I am! Thanks for reminding me. I'll go um... do that... see ya later!"
(no subject)
Date: 18/8/12 15:05 (UTC)When I unleash my mysterious superior Scandinavian self sufficiency on them, the effects are pretty uncanny!
(no subject)
Date: 18/8/12 15:39 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18/8/12 15:56 (UTC)I was born a poor brown child
Date: 18/8/12 19:13 (UTC)The white kids loved them. I just stayed inside. Once I was in elementary school and the mockery started, I willed myself to become a gringo.
Even at age 8, my family called me 'sir' and kept my room and sand box tidy and clean. They said something about 'being the way things are'.
At 10, I was regularly selling peppers and goofballs to the white truck drivers that were always asking about "my sister".
AT 11 I became a pimp. By the time I was 18, I had paid off the school to make me valedictorian, and was the regular supplier of drugs for the entire faculty. Even the janitors bought from me.
At 24, Reagan was elected. I put my ill gotten gains into 'bootstraps' made of cocaine. At age 26 I was supplying 'bootstraps' to the entire Dallas Cowboy Organization. And the US Olympic team. But they mostly bought something called "the juice". Drugs are bad!
Bored with my life and living in what would later be known by a future owner as "The Batcave", I decided being a Mexican White Male multi-millionaire drug dealing pimp (*shrugs* greed was supposed to be good back then) I decided to get really dirty, I ran for office.
Rather, I bought the office. Of Governor, the only one with an open price tag at the time. As governor of Texas, I imposed to harshest drug crime sanctions (against my competitors) and became the main Drug Dealer for the GOP.
Until that rooten fuck Dick Cheney came along with his 'ecstasy'. Suddenly, He was the new kid in town (again) and he had some bitchin' sources (the CIA) that cut me out.
So I had him capped and replaced with my own fake Dick. Fuck Dick.
Recently, I've been doing a series of gigs with Dos Equis, as "the most interesting white looking Mexican in Media". The girls in the ads? I supply them from my international string of "modeling agencies".
I also like long walks in the woods, holding hands, romantic moonlit nights and cleaning handguns blindfolded.
(no subject)
Date: 20/8/12 18:00 (UTC)My only bragging rights involve having had a dream involving Caesar, but I cannot discuss it in public.
(no subject)
Date: 20/8/12 18:06 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 20/8/12 18:14 (UTC)