"Kid, You are Not Special"

[weswilson]

SOURCE: http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/12/opinion/granderson-not-special/index.html

That's the part of the discussion that's missing from all the chatter about David McCullough Jr.'s controversial "You Are Not Special" commencement speech. He didn't call the Wellesley High School Class of 2012 a bunch of lowlifes who won't amount to anything. Rather, he was adjusting their lenses so that they could see the world they were about to enter more clearly.

"Across the country no fewer than 3.2 million seniors are graduating about now from more than 37,000 high schools," McCullough said. "That's 37,000 valedictorians... 37,000 class presidents... 92,000 harmonizing altos... 340,000 swaggering jocks ... 2,185,967 pairs of Uggs. But why limit ourselves to high school? After all, you're leaving it. So think about this: Even if you're one in a million, on a planet of 6.8 billion that means there are nearly 7,000 people just like you."

One man's "ouch" is another man's "right on brother," and you can count me among the latter.

I have to rant a bit about this speech...

Well, not about the speech, itself... but about the public's reaction to it. While the message of the speech may have been well received by some of the people at the event, the response from the CNN hosts and our social media peanut gallery has been predictably awful. If the response to this speaker's message is any indicator, there is a surprisingly large group of people who want our kids dropped into a battle arena, and the ones who come out as winners can get a modest trophy and a pat on the back, and the others should be scolded eternally for their failure.

I think the idea that kids are somehow lacking in information that tells them they aren't all that special is rooted on delusional egotism. It's rooted in that same kind of nostalgic navel-gazing that claims safer playgrounds are stunting, participation trophies for 5-year-olds is unacceptable, and music of a bygone era was devoid of the nonsense we see today. It's rooted in priviledge based on what they think everyone else's childhood should be. And it's rooted on subjective memory regarding perceptions of one's own life, as if our memory of our childhood is somehow an accurate representation of what actually happened.

When this speech started making its rounds, I felt the collective arms of hundreds of thousands of people shake their canes at America and tell those kids to get off their lawn.

The reality is that kids are regularly shown that they are part of a huge mass of humanity devoid of any special respect for their place. They are subjected to queues, bureaucracy, and a mind-numbingly impersonal education system. Most will compete in sports and find few accolades for their experience, some will be dogged by a high school coach into wondering whether they have any worth at all. Many will post a video on Youtube, notice that it only gets a handful of views, then wonder whether all those negative comments were telling the truth. An unfortunate percentage will face psychological illness and cut, drink, or starve themselves into invisibility. Almost all will have their hearts broken by someone who really, really matters to them, and watch that same person choose another of dubious worth. Many will lose family members, exposing the world most demoralizing entity, death.

Life has enough foulness, loss, and perspective to ensure that kids know their place. I'm unsure how anyone could ever believe we need to augment that at times of celebration. To me, ensuring you get a petty jab in on the rich white boy of privilege does not justify the collateral damage of the other 99% who surround him.

Comments

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

That puts Carl Sagan in his place.

[rimpala.livejournal.com]

I've thought over that nihilisticness in the past as much as anyone else did and decided that if everything is ultimately meaningless anyways then pessimism is about as meaningless as optimism. And being pessimistic really sucks and is a terrible waste of the time we have left.

All I can say is...

[rick-day.livejournal.com]

I watched this earlier this morning. I thought it was a swell speech. Each person graduating should be required to listen to the speech before getting a diploma.

And they should hear it at College commencement as well.

Anyone with issues with this open and honest commentary needs to look in the mirror and see just what the answer is when they ask "what in the Hell is wrong with America these days?"

[weswilson]

I'm unsure of your point here.

Are you applauding the speech, the reaction to it, or my rebuttal of the reaction to it?

[muscadinegirl.livejournal.com]

I'll tell you why the media hates this speech: the popular media, as a collective, is the kind of petty, shallow, narcissistic entity this speech condemns.

[spaz-own-joo.livejournal.com]

Um, the media loved it and swallowed it unquestioningly?

[telemann.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sir. Fantastic post. I even teared up a few times. You're a great person Wes.

[cinchntouch.livejournal.com]

I find all this nonsense about "having to teach the whippersnappers some common sense" to be insulting, arrogant and nasty.

[mrbogey.livejournal.com]

It is arrogant, it is insulting. But what is said is part of life that should be learned. The problem is it's nasty because it's not been addressed for so long.

[jobey-in-error.livejournal.com]

Although I don't feel as strongly about it as you, I'm glad to have seen a coherent alternate response to this speech, as the banding together of applause for a "rebellious" message (that hasn't been all that rebellious for the past few years) was making me roll my eyes and tune out.

But what I get from both "sides" of this war of Affirm Ourselves vs. Life is Tough, Get over it and Get in the Game is that -- for us to be having this ideological skirmish at all -- there is a strange crisis of self-worth and understanding of how we "fit" in our society across the board. Mainstream America isn't sure how to see themselves. So we exaggerate and never feel quite comfortable with our formulations.

To me, ensuring you get a petty jab in on the rich white boy of privilege does not justify the collateral damage of the other 99% who surround him.

It seems that there's one person you think won't suffer the perspective-giving disappointments and heartbreaks of life too soon or too often. Seriously, I think part of the problem is vilifying a few who just aren't as morally superior as the rest of us.

[weswilson]

I agree with your first part entirely. I'm unsure why we need to define our place in the world. Objectively, we are here. Stating what for seems superfluous.

As for the last part, I think I may have used poor voice when stating that. I was speaking as the vocal group who have railed against entitlement in youth, not for myself. After stating that a large portion of the student body has been dutifully beaten by life, I see little point in attacking the remaining individuals without the instilled deference that some seem demand. I didn't mean to sound like I was making a value judgement on who does or does not deserve that beating.

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

My favorite line was, "The universe has no center, therefore you cannot be it."

His commentary on the failure rate for marriage is something that kids need to hear sooner rather than later. The number one cause of divorce is marriage.

I do not agree that there are any petty jabs in this speech. Sobering reality can hardly be considered petty. Besides, there were sufficient words of encouragement along with the bubble busters.

[weswilson]

"Well, not about the speech, itself... but about the public's reaction to it."

I am not speaking about the content of the speech... I am confronting the interpretation of it that has been presented in media and social environments.

[badlydrawnjeff.livejournal.com]

I don't know why this recap is bothering me so much, but it is. I don't actually know how old you are, Wes, but this might be a generational divide. This speech would have done wonders for a good number of the folks I graduated high school with, and the situation regarding fostering self-esteem over more (for lack of a better term) harsh realities has not been improving.

[weswilson]

I'm 43.

But I postulate that there has never been a time when a generation hasn't bitched about "the entitlement issue". Every generation thinks the ones that come after it have it too good. I think egotism prevents us from recognizing that... uphill both ways and all that. But the reality is that every generation has worth and there is little evidence to support the notion that it's getting any worse. I have no trouble believing that despite absolute attribution, Socrates likely said something akin to, "What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders, they disobey their parents. They ignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions.their morals are decaying. What is to become of them?" because these words resonate with every generation.

The notion that self-esteem is a bad thing is ideological and likely hypocritical. But as I saw quoted elsewhere,

These emerging adults may be off-putting to a worried 40-something — their sense of entitlement and their lack of humility are somewhat hard to take — but they’re not necessarily maladapted. On the contrary, with their seemingly inexhaustible well of positive self-regard, their refusal to have their horizons be defined by the limitations of our era, they just may bear witness to the precise sort of resilience that all parents, educators and pop psychologists now say they view as proof of a successful upbringing.

It may be that this resilience — this annoying yet admirable ability to stay positive in depressing and frightening times — has nothing to do with the parents. Perhaps it’s a result, as some longtime observers of this generation have suggested, of growing up in an era of almost unremitting ambient anxiety: school years spent in the shadow of Columbine, 9/11 and, lately, widespread parental job losses. Maybe chronic unease has simply raised this generation’s tolerance level for stress, leaving it uniquely well equipped to deal with uncertainty.

The very traits that people complain about in youth are often the same traits that drive highly successful people to excellence. Demanding the excellence before the self-esteem seems to run against all reason.

[spaz-own-joo.livejournal.com]

Bravo, Wes.

[hardblue.livejournal.com]

We do seem to have entered an era where there is a growing love for austerity and punishment - a kind of masochism. Maye it is in part a reaction from the greater ease and luxury that the baby boomers enjoyed growing up, but this would be a bit unfair, because they are inflicting their punishment more on the next generation rather than swallowing the bitter medicine themselves.

[spaz-own-joo.livejournal.com]

Remember that "I am the 53%" guy? I think he suffered from that same weird, evangelical, austere masochism.

[allisnow.livejournal.com]

As a teacher, there are plenty of kids who need to be reminded that they are actually NOT special little snowflakes, that they don't DESERVE things, they need to earn them, but ultimately it's the parents who need to hear the message even more. Nothing makes my job harder than a parent who thinks their kid doesn't have to play by the same rules as everybody else.

Sorry. Pet peeve.

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

Yes, its not easy to teach people to learn, you have to work hard at it.

[meus-ovatio.livejournal.com]

I am a'gin it, just because I'm a'gin lectures in general. Old men get this fantasy in their head about young men. That they'll find a young man to mentor, give him sage life advice, and the young man will soak it up like a sponge and praise the old man for his wonderfulness. Of course, it's a fantasy. People don't learn like computers. They don't just download good advice and incorporate it into their operation systems. Lectures are useless things, designed more for the esteem and ego of the lecturer than the listener.

OH MAN! WHY U SO EDG-Y?

[rick-day.livejournal.com]

Hate your father? How long have you been a Libertarian?

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

I'm guessing his (ex?)wife was not flattered by the speech opener.

[politikitty.livejournal.com]

I think this sort of lesson is one that anyone graduating high school in the last 15 years needs to know.

It's not that they're fucking up and doing so much worse than the previous generation. But we've sold an American Dream that isn't quite accurate.

We've told people that if they get the college degree, they'll have the good life. We've told them to do what they love, and the money will follow. We've told them that Educational Debt is the world's best debt ever.

The gap between college and your first salaried position is absolutely heart breaking and fucked up right now. It doesn't need to be, but expectations and institutions need to change. We have 'Business Schools' and 'Liberal Arts Schools', despite the fact that virtually all graduates will need to work for some sort of business at some point. Even Academia and Non-Profits are types of businesses. After graduating with a poli sci/econ degree I didn't know how to market, I went back for some accounting classes. I was horrified at the level of support they were getting about how to translate the skills they were learning to networking, building a resume, acing the job interview, and doing the job. I use my econ training every day, but until then I lacked the vocabulary to communicate that to any hiring manager. It was such a simple thing that my college didn't provide, though the university system did. (I don't know if this is normal. I went to a giant state school, but all my admin and graduation support stuff was handled by my individual department.)

Sure. Kids know that life is tough. And no matter how perfect we make this world, growing up will always be tough. Privilege doesn't actually protect you from that, it just gives you different issues. But for this generation, that does mean walking into college with the viewpoint that they are trying to gain skills that will help them market themselves into a paid position when they look a lot like every other newly minted graduate. Forcing them to understand that their unique perspective isn't immediately clear to anyone else is a genuinely big part of that.

40 years ago, a college degree was a sign of being an elite. Even from a mediocre state school. Now it's the expected norm. So while college always extended adolescence, it also signaled high worth. That coupled with long stints of employment made it worthwhile to hire and train a college graduate. Now it just extends adolescence and keeps people up to date with the status quo. The willingness of firms to conduct a lot of job training is lower. Hurray for a more educated population. But we need to adapt, and augmenting a lot of the wonderful adolescence quality of college is part of that.


Kids becoming adults is an ugly process. Looking back at my 16-24 path, I'd say it's a good deal uglier than making sausage or legislation. So we shouldn't condemn them for failing, when we failed so many times before we figured out how to succeed. But I do think we need to normalize the ugliness of it.

[kylinrouge.livejournal.com]

The American Dream is a myth anyway.

[rimpala.livejournal.com]

Well gee, I think I agree that while this speech does need to be heard, it doesn't appear to be anything a highschool hasn't learned already.

It's kind of like... I never even pretended to believe I was anything special, heck my life's path has long been in the way of art and in that it's plain to see that no matter what you create there is always someone else out there that's already thought of it and most likely does it much, much better then you. So the trick is to somehow make a buck from someone not quite aware of who that better person is, I guess.

Just remember, as you - you being the commentators and social media already mentioned, and heck whoever you are reading this as well - as you prepare your little self-righteous rebuttals and smug little retorts, that you're nothing special either.

[devil-ad-vocate.livejournal.com]

There are milestones in everyone's life. Graduation is one of them. It should be a time for experiencing a little joy, instead of listening to someone tell you that you're nothing special. Getting a high school diploma IS something special when you're getting one. There is an army of assholes waiting to tell you that you are substandard, have no talent, or aren't "quite what our company is looking for".

[the-rukh.livejournal.com]

I agree with you on this. Let them have their day. There's plenty of bad ones, can't we for one second stop from trying to shit on the good ones? Are we that miserable as a society?

[peristaltor.livejournal.com]

It's not that kids are inherently less (insert whatever here) than the last generations, it's that they haven't been told properly. Or so says the evidence.

Haven't read it yet, but one of Richard Wiseman's books addresses the disconnect between telling children they are special little creatures and telling them essentially the same thing in a way that actually motivates them to become curious, hard-working and creative special little creatures. It's the former means of praise that actually cause the damage, and the latter that is fairly rare to see in the wild.

[musicpsych.livejournal.com]

What's so special about this guy? (kidding, sorry...)

This is the first time I've heard the whole speech. And I have to say, hearing the whole thing, I like the core message (at least, what I'm hearing of it). I think you're right, the public's reaction to it is kind of curious. I wonder how many people - including members of the media - listened to the whole thing before reacting, or if they just reacted to excerpts. I think what's happening is that people are interpreting the simple phrase "you are not special" in a bunch of different ways according to their own perspective, and then arguing about those different interpretations.

I think what he's getting at is that you don't deserve special treatment, you're not entitled to anything, you're not going to be a superstar as you are today, success isn't just going to fall into your lap without hard work. You are not "the chosen one," you are not going to juggle a life being a recording star with a life just trying to be a real girl, you were not born a wizard, your dad was not a Jedi. I've long held the belief that some of our pop culture sets us up for this because often, a hero or protagonist just naturally has the skills needed to save the day, just because of *who they are*. So on that count, I agree with him.

However, what comes across from some people who have described it/reacted to it is, you're not special, so don't dream, don't try to be more than you are today, don't try to be more than the people around you, etc. And that's really a buzzkill. It's also dangerous in a way, because confidence is so important to achievement, and this message "you are not special" is potentially a confidence killer. To some people, "you are not special" means "don't raise your hand," "don't apply for that promotion," "don't give more than the minimum effort." And I think you need to believe that you are somewhat special in order to go after promotions/achievements like that. Otherwise, you can just sit back and watch people on TV do those things.

Was he an English teacher? You'd think that someone who teaches English would be more careful with his use of the language. With that said, I wouldn't be surprised if he published a book about this.

[ford-prefect42.livejournal.com]

There's a lot of evidence that this nation desperately *needs* this speech to be given, repeatedly, loudly, and with great volume.

Our gratuating students have, as a result of millions of dollars in spending, a serious reduction in competitive activities, etcetera, increased their self-esteem. At the same time, their skill levels have fallen dramatically. We now have a generation of graduates that believe the "menial" work is below them, but taht have no skills or aptitudes for any higher level work.

Similarly, "safer" playgrounds *do* stunt development.

The point to childhood, school, etcetera, is *not* that the freshly minted adult be actualized, but taht they be *successful*. That means understanding that we are *not* in point of fact, special snowflakes. Except in that we are all about as insignificant *as* snowflakes.

[meus-ovatio.livejournal.com]

The greatest thing about an adolescent psychology course is that it dispels all the myths the media and old people have about youth. Scientifically and empirically speaking, youth today are just as generally adjusted, even-keeled, honest and typical as any other generational cohort. But you know, science, it doesn't matter.

[rimpala.livejournal.com]

heh what's science when you have snark?

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

The complaints older generations have about how easy young-uns have it reminds me of the old story about how Ancient Egyptians learned to read for 3,000 years with a tablet that predicted the imminent dissolution of Ancient Egypt because younger generations were drooling idiots. For 3,000 years straight.

[notmrgarrison.livejournal.com]

And for 2000 years they were occupied.

[404.livejournal.com]

None of us are born special, but we should nurture and support the younger generations to always be looking forward to ways to achieve their own interpretation of what special is. If Johnny Asshat's version of of being special is to sit on talk_politics 4chan all day posting snark and gifs... well... I guess we might try to dissuade that course of action.

[htpcl.livejournal.com]

The name talk_politics appears striked through here, that's odd.

Edit: Ooohh I C wat U did dere!