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talkpoliticsHey, my dear fools jesters! April 1 is when everything you say is to be taken with a huge grain of salt... pepper... cinnamon... whatever; right? OK then, here's a story. The story of a tiny Balkan country, where Heaven on Earth has finally been achieved. Do bear with me, and you'll see how stupid you've been for not having moved over here yet!
A name has been coined here over the course of many hypothetical situations: Insert Country Name. So let's go with that, for the purposes of veracity.
First of all, Insert Country Name is most famous for its perfectly clean air, in fact the cleanest in the world. People here don't drink chlorinated water. No need to. We can drink water straight from the rivers because there are no bacteria inside. Our streets are the cleanest in the world, too. Naples can only look at us and die of envy.
It is forbidden to sell sausages that are not made of meat. And dairy products that are not made of milk. And fruits and vegetables that contain nitrates and pesticides. Not that anyone would ever produce such shit, but it's forbidden just in case. The ordinary Insert-Country-Namian doesn't buy used cars, appliances, or used clothes. Spending 1/4 of our salary for electricity bills is the ultimate joy for every one of us. But the pensioners are the happiest among all. The minimum pension is not 60 euros anymore, it's actually 1600 euros now. Unemployment here is the lowest among all EU member states.
The health care system is top class. The medicament prices are symbolic. People go to the doc or the dentist mostly for prophylactic purposes because they're all so healthy. Insert Country Name has by far the lowest number of ill people per capita in the developed world (close to zero), and people sometimes buy medicines just like that - to keep something in their drawer.
And the economy? Ooh, don't get me started on the economy! It's been in constant growth for ages. Experts from all around the world are flocking into the country every month to attend seminaries and draw some precious lessons from the rich experience of our domestic specialists in the field of macroeconomics. Our first-class roads are now a network of highways, full with Porsches and Ferraris. Billions of euros of investments are pouring into the economy through those highways. And the occasional potholes in the second-class roads are filled with clean rain water that shines so cheerfully in the sun! You can drink from it, remember?
Our judicial system is the most just in the world. All cases are finished in time and no criminal remains unpunished. That's why you can leave your front door unlocked all day, and a young girl can walk on a dark street in the suburbs in the middle of the night without fear that anything would happen to her. The police and the courts work as a real team, all the evidence is meticulously collected and it finds its place in the court decision. And the judges, like true professionals, always come up with the most appropriate verdicts. Our beloved police are always so helpful to the citizens, and are a paragon of competence and incorruptibility. Because of the ridiculously low crime rates, their activities mostly have a ceremonial character. And the traffic cops are even better: with great skills, tactfulness and enthusiasm they assist with the safe organization of road traffic. Which is why there are almost no road accidents and the last road fatality was recorded more than a decade ago.
People are extremely... tolerant to any race, ethnos, religion or creed. They have forgotten what true bigotry is, and are looking with optimism and without fear into the bright future. Ethnic minorities are welcomed in Insert Country Name with open arms, and immigrants are actually met at the airport with the old welcoming ritual, being symbolically served bread and honey as a sign of our hospitality.
The Parliament of Insert Country Name is an example for all other countries. The parliamentary hall is always full, dozens of laws are being forged every day. It's a matter of honor for each MP to donate at least 1000 euros to charity, every month. And that, paid out of their MP salaries, and without any additional sources of income. When they're not in Parliament crafting new laws, the Insert-Country-Namian MPs are always busy walking among their constituents, listening to their problems with great love and sympathy.
The word "corruption" is unknown in our vocabulary. The latest big scandal erupted when the press reported about a pensioner who didn't bother to collect his change (5 cents) at the local supermarket, and thus created conditions for unsolicited self-enrichment of the cashier!
Well, yeah. That's the kind of pinky life we live here in our Heaven on Earth, Insert Country Name... Now, wouldn't you kill to move here?
A name has been coined here over the course of many hypothetical situations: Insert Country Name. So let's go with that, for the purposes of veracity.
First of all, Insert Country Name is most famous for its perfectly clean air, in fact the cleanest in the world. People here don't drink chlorinated water. No need to. We can drink water straight from the rivers because there are no bacteria inside. Our streets are the cleanest in the world, too. Naples can only look at us and die of envy.
It is forbidden to sell sausages that are not made of meat. And dairy products that are not made of milk. And fruits and vegetables that contain nitrates and pesticides. Not that anyone would ever produce such shit, but it's forbidden just in case. The ordinary Insert-Country-Namian doesn't buy used cars, appliances, or used clothes. Spending 1/4 of our salary for electricity bills is the ultimate joy for every one of us. But the pensioners are the happiest among all. The minimum pension is not 60 euros anymore, it's actually 1600 euros now. Unemployment here is the lowest among all EU member states.
The health care system is top class. The medicament prices are symbolic. People go to the doc or the dentist mostly for prophylactic purposes because they're all so healthy. Insert Country Name has by far the lowest number of ill people per capita in the developed world (close to zero), and people sometimes buy medicines just like that - to keep something in their drawer.
And the economy? Ooh, don't get me started on the economy! It's been in constant growth for ages. Experts from all around the world are flocking into the country every month to attend seminaries and draw some precious lessons from the rich experience of our domestic specialists in the field of macroeconomics. Our first-class roads are now a network of highways, full with Porsches and Ferraris. Billions of euros of investments are pouring into the economy through those highways. And the occasional potholes in the second-class roads are filled with clean rain water that shines so cheerfully in the sun! You can drink from it, remember?
Our judicial system is the most just in the world. All cases are finished in time and no criminal remains unpunished. That's why you can leave your front door unlocked all day, and a young girl can walk on a dark street in the suburbs in the middle of the night without fear that anything would happen to her. The police and the courts work as a real team, all the evidence is meticulously collected and it finds its place in the court decision. And the judges, like true professionals, always come up with the most appropriate verdicts. Our beloved police are always so helpful to the citizens, and are a paragon of competence and incorruptibility. Because of the ridiculously low crime rates, their activities mostly have a ceremonial character. And the traffic cops are even better: with great skills, tactfulness and enthusiasm they assist with the safe organization of road traffic. Which is why there are almost no road accidents and the last road fatality was recorded more than a decade ago.
People are extremely... tolerant to any race, ethnos, religion or creed. They have forgotten what true bigotry is, and are looking with optimism and without fear into the bright future. Ethnic minorities are welcomed in Insert Country Name with open arms, and immigrants are actually met at the airport with the old welcoming ritual, being symbolically served bread and honey as a sign of our hospitality.
The Parliament of Insert Country Name is an example for all other countries. The parliamentary hall is always full, dozens of laws are being forged every day. It's a matter of honor for each MP to donate at least 1000 euros to charity, every month. And that, paid out of their MP salaries, and without any additional sources of income. When they're not in Parliament crafting new laws, the Insert-Country-Namian MPs are always busy walking among their constituents, listening to their problems with great love and sympathy.
The word "corruption" is unknown in our vocabulary. The latest big scandal erupted when the press reported about a pensioner who didn't bother to collect his change (5 cents) at the local supermarket, and thus created conditions for unsolicited self-enrichment of the cashier!
Well, yeah. That's the kind of pinky life we live here in our Heaven on Earth, Insert Country Name... Now, wouldn't you kill to move here?
(no subject)
Date: 1/4/12 18:31 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 1/4/12 18:54 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 1/4/12 18:58 (UTC)^ An actual Dear Leader photo.
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Date: 1/4/12 19:11 (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 1/4/12 19:14 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 1/4/12 19:17 (UTC)ETA not you, the other foreigner
(no subject)
Date: 1/4/12 19:21 (UTC)(whispers: Yes. Yesss!)
THE BEER BOARD APPROVES THIS THREAD
Date: 1/4/12 19:29 (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 1/4/12 23:42 (UTC)(And I'm not joking. According to a local, the government pulled all city trashcans right after 9/11. Then they realized they could save money by not putting them back.)
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Date: 2/4/12 06:11 (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2/4/12 18:10 (UTC)