Lone Star

[stewstewstewdio.livejournal.com]

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty. My state is putting in an express lane – Ron White

When I saw that this was “Bash a Country” month, I was hesitant. I have never travelled internationally and, as an American, I have always been satisfied with my life in America. For this reason, the country I decided to bash is Texas.

This northern suburb of Mexico has a relationship with its southernmost neighbor that is akin to Israel’s relationship with the Palestinians. It is basically, “We will get along just fine as soon as you get the hell out of my neighborhood”. Many believe that Texas is already a part of the United States, albeit resentfully. Texas has tried to distance itself from the US ever since it became our protectorate to prevent Santa Anna’s armies from kicking its ass again. That would make them an AINO, pronounced \ˈā-n^əl\, or America In Name Only. Texas has a history of trying to detach from America, but has never done so successfully.

Texas is the home of unbridled bluster. They boast of things other nations would be too embarrassed to claim. Their fare is a faux international cuisine attempt called Tex-Mex. The folksy descriptions of their locales are things like “When you smell shit, you’re in San Antonio. When you step in it, you’re in Rio Grande City”. The Texas death penalty count would probably rival Iran’s. They spend their days in land mass envy toward Alaska.

The United States tolerates Texas for their oil production, much like we do with Saudi Arabia. When Hurricane Ike caused devastation in Texas, President George W. Bush went on a diplomatic mission to his homeland to visit the oil wells and disregarded the residents. Their economy is bolstered by petrol dollars and low unemployment due to a third-world-like wage labor force.

The latest bid for secession was proposed by their current governor, Rick Perry, in 2009. He is now running for President of the United States. It will be interesting to see if he tries to get America to secede from America.

Comments

[abomvubuso.livejournal.com]

Well, TX is a separate country, kindasorta, innit?

[stewstewstewdio.livejournal.com]

TX is a separate country

I think it kindasorta wants to be.

[sandwichwarrior.livejournal.com]

Hawaii and Texas are the only two states to be recognized as sovreign nations before joining the Union.

[malasadas.livejournal.com]

Americans are particularly regionalistic without always wanting to fess up to it. I have never met an Italian national who is not honest about the deep divisions between northern and southern Italy in heritage, cuisine and attitude, but I have had American students get into actually angry arguments about whether or not it is "soda" or "pop" and then question the idea that America is hard to define as a unified culture within five minutes. We are strangely convinced that everyone else is every other region is a weirdo but simultaneously convinced we are all one.

[stewstewstewdio.livejournal.com]

We are strangely convinced that everyone else is every other region is a weirdo but simultaneously convinced we are all one.

Yes. We speak 2 different languages in America. Southern drawl and the one the newscasters use so everyone can understand it.

[telemann.livejournal.com]

I speak Southern drawl, y'all.

[abomvubuso.livejournal.com]

You should hear the Saffan accent.

[surferelf.livejournal.com]

We speak more than two. I once had to be the translator between my Brooklyn-born stepmother and a gentleman from the hills of West Virginia.

Also, I have noticed that if one wants to sound "authentically" American, one adopts the Oklahoman accent.

[onefatmusicnerd.livejournal.com]

"Soda" v "Pop",

Wow, yankee much?

It is Coke. Orange Coke, Lemon-Lime Coke, Dr. Pepper, it is just Coke.

j/king (well, maybe)

[a-new-machine.livejournal.com]

Hey, we respect trademarked name shortenings in the Northeast.

[devil-ad-vocate.livejournal.com]

And it's not "dungarees"... it's jeans... and only Levi's... with buttons, not a zipper.

[a-new-machine.livejournal.com]

Buttons? Ugh.

[devil-ad-vocate.livejournal.com]

It's the cowboy way.

[telemann.livejournal.com]

Keeps the peen from gettin' zipped ;)

[the-rukh.livejournal.com]

I always call it a drink or a soft drink, where is that from?

[normaltrouble.livejournal.com]

Soft drink--as opposed to hard drink meaning liquor, and that's probably going back to temperance movements here in the USA.

I say soft drink 50% of the time, soda 50%.

[the-rukh.livejournal.com]

Betraying my puritan roots!

[telemann.livejournal.com]

It's a regional thing. I posted this a few months ago over in charts_and_maps

[kurtvonnegut.livejournal.com]

i agree. everything is coke. furreal tho. "mom, i'm going to sonic, what kinda coke do you want?"

[onefatmusicnerd.livejournal.com]

I just landed at SHV and I am thinking about some sonic, or cane's.

Texas...

[sophia-sadek.livejournal.com]

... competes with Alaska in the bid to host the headquarters of Redneckistan.